


From the beginning

by CptAbsolemLovegood



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Wolfstar Kink Meme
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-04
Updated: 2015-04-15
Packaged: 2018-02-03 10:22:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1741202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CptAbsolemLovegood/pseuds/CptAbsolemLovegood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wolfstar: Remus and Sirius from day one, starts off about 5th book with Sirius but then goes back to the beginning, mainly following Sirius. May be a little slow paced but I intend it to get a bit steamy later.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part one: tension, love and advice

Sirius was busy when Harry entered number 12 Grimmauld place. Busy with the order as usual – well half the order. Lupin, Dumbledore, Madeye and Snape were already there and Tonks and Kingsley had left Harry to join them, but the Weasleys wouldn’t arrive for a few days yet.

Harry was studying the wall tapestry in the living room when Sirius entered, but he did not turn around straight away, but continued to study the curly script that proclaimed his father’s name. It was odd to think that his father and godfather had not only been best friends, but had also shared the tiniest amount of blood. 

After awhile he turned round and only then did Sirius approach him, enveloping his godchild in a bear like hug, yet Harry sensed that was wrong, if possible Sirius seemed sadder than usual, but he could not place his finger on why or even if sadness was the right emotion that he was detecting. “Come on” said Sirius, stopping Harry’s poor attempts at sleuth work. “Let’s get some food in you – it’s late and I know you’re always hungry – those muggles don't feed you enough.”  
......

Harry’s face was a brief picture of surprise as when he entered the kitchen. He was not sure what he had expected: an empty kitchen – he and Sirius would chat and eat, or a kitchen bustling with and full – chaos and chatter with five people sat around the table. What he did not expect however, were the two solitary figures sitting in stiff positions next to each other and an awkward silence. Harry wondered if he was the only one who could tangibly taste the tension – thick like fog in the room. And he wondered for the second time in such a short period what was wrong. If anyone else was aware of the weird atmosphere they chose to ignore it.

Harry ambled over to the table and pulled out the chair opposite Tonks, but was interrupted. “Ah Harry, I’d rather you sit opposite Lupin if you don't mind, you see that’s my seat and I also prefer seeing a pretty face when I eat, helps my food to digest.” At this Sirius was rewarded with a sly half smile from Tonks which momentarily cleared the tension in the room, much like sun dissipated mist. Harry moved to the next chair without complaint, but as far as he had ever been aware, his godfather had never preferred a seat, instead flitting around from seat to seat when the fancy took and dependent on whom he wished to converse with. It was only at Christmas that he had a set place – at the head of the table, and this was only achieved by copious amounts of demand from all other parties and he never stayed put for the entire meal anyway.

If it had been awkward before then it was positively torture when they started to eat. The food was like soggy cardboard in Harry's mouth and he found he had difficulty swallowing. When he asked questions after people he only got monosyllabic responses that answered him, but left no room for development. Tonks was the only one who replied with any vigour but she was picking up on the tenor of the room and her answers became shorter and drier until Harry and her both gave up on conversation. It was only when Harry enquired about the order that things seemed normal – they would chastise him fondly, telling him that he mustn't worry, that it was none of his business and that he was only a child, yet in his own mind fifth teen was hardly a child, in fact far from. All of which had been programmed into them via Molly Weasley.

The only eventful moment in the entire meal was when Tonks and Lupin’s hands brushed when they were passing vegetables. There had been a spark in both their eyes, Lupin being brasher and bolder than usual, to which Tonks shied away, being timid; far from her usual cheeky, bubbly, clumsy self. When this took place Sirius pinked slightly, looked away and started muttering something. He had then promptly left uttering some inaudible excuse and left the room after retrieving a bucket from under the sink.

He had clearly been embarrassed at the moment between the two, but so had Harry and he was only a teenager. He had not been over exaggerated and flounced out of the room. He had stayed put and endure and he was the one being told that he was a child so couldn’t know about the order. The injustice of it all! But Harry was not quite used to his godfather’s odd moods and so decided to finish his meal. 

It had clearly been Sirius. The odd tension that had lingered in the room was dispelled and finally the sun cleared the mist as soon as the escapee had left the room. Tonks was back to the way she had been at the start of the meal: boisterous and entertaining. She even tried out a few different animal ears to make Harry laugh. And Lupin was as normal as usual, laughing along and joining in with the now stellar, flowing conversation, kind as ever. 

Harry could not work out whether the problem had been Sirius’s entirely or if it had has something to do with Lupin too as he has appeared to be badly affected by the shadow that Sirius had carried in a way that Harry and Tonks had not been. Yet he assumed it must have been pretty tense between the two who had only been reunited a year and a half ago and the one had been convinced that the other was guilty of effectively murdering his best friend. He sure wouldn’t like to be in that situation with Ron or Hermione. Harry decided to rid himself of these for the meantime and enjoy the company he was keeping. He would search for his Godfather after the others had left.  
......

“Tell Sirius we’re sorry that we didn't get to say goodbye,” whispered Tonks so as not to disturb the portrait of Mrs. Black. “and tell him it was good of him to have us for tea, even if he was err... off colour.”  
“I will.” Replied Harry. “I’ll go find him and see if he’s feeling better. Bye, see you soon.”  
“Bye.”  
Lupin just nodded. They stepped onto the door step and linking arms they vanished in a whirl of colours as they disapperated. Harry closed the door slowly and quickly, and then walked up the stairs; silently thanking no one in particular that Mrs. Black had been kept silent.

Sirius wasn’t in the library, drawing room or sitting room. Harry didn’t bother looking in Sirius’s rooms: either his childhood or new one, but went to a room on the third floor and opened the door. He bowed silently to a pair of large amber eyes which stared at him fiercely for a while, which the bowed in turn. Demeaning this as the hippogriff’s approval he entered the room feeling safe now that Buckbeak was no longer scrutinising him. 

He entered the room fully and closed the door behind himself. This was one of the many rooms that he knew existed yet had never ventured into. It was exceptionally spacious and a lot larger than the room should be able to contain. Along the right wall a mixture of magically induced vegetation grew, it extend past the corner and obscured the entirely of the first vast window on the back wall. In this corner was a large dark whole which was presumably Buckbeak’s den. The room was large enough for the unconventional pet to circle in flight but he could only beat his wings about five times before he had completed the circuit. The middle window on the back wall was a good few meters in both dimensions and Harry could just imagine the animagus would take Buckbeak flying on quiet nights. He could understand why Sirius came here to think a lot: it was oddly soothing.

Sitting on a thin carpet of half crushed vertebrae was the man he was looking for – his only family – playing with a small mammal tail. “Alright?” asked Harry, not really expecting to receive an answer, he stood uninvited next to him. As expected all he got in return was silence, so he decided not to push the matter and changed tact. “Are all the Weasleys coming? I mean obviously Ron is, and Hermione’s coming too right?” Sirius looked at Harry, his eyes creasing into an unexpected smile. “Yes. Well, all of them except the older brothers. Hermione and Ginny are going to share a room. You can share with Ron if you want.” Harry looked down at his godfather in surprise. “Ginny? Ginny’s coming?” Harry enquired, if he was being told that he was a child who shouldn’t be concerned with the order the surely Ginny was.  
“Yes, why? You’re not still holding a grudge because she hexed you, are you? I hear she’s very good at them.” He chuckled, patting the bone encrusted floor next to him invitingly. 

He used his foot to clear the evidence of dead animals as he thought of how uncomfortable it would be to sit on tiny splintered femurs and such like, yet they didn’t seem to bother Sirius. “No” he finally answered. “She never actually hexed me; I think it was Fred or George. Ginny would never hex me. It’s just, just” he flailed trying to sum up the unfairness of it all, but Sirius interrupted him.  
“You like her don't you? And I don't mean the same way that you like Hermione and Ron. I mean really like her.” Sirius accused. This got Harry thinking. “Well of course I like her, but not in that way. Well I don't think so anyway. I mean she used to like me- I even got a singing card in second year.” Sirius chuckled. “and I didn’t mind, apart from the fact that it was so embarrassing. But she’s had tons of boyfriends since. And I like another girl, but, well it’s sort of complicated. Plus, she’s Ron’s Sister. Really?!” Sirius raised an eyebrow, mentally filing away the information to be re-aired at a later date. 

“So, who do like then? You can tell me I know all about complicated relationships.” Sirius offered knowingly with a slightly wistful smile playing on his lips. Harry blushed a deep pink, not red like a Weasley, nothing could rival a Weasley’s blush, especially Ron who turned beet at the drop of a hat. “Cho Chang.” Harry muttered hoarsely in a half whisper as if the walls or Buckbeak were listening.  
“Yin Chang’s daughter?” Harry shrugged in answer.  
“Do you love her Harry?” His answer to which was to choke on nothing.  
“I don't know Sirius; I’m bloody fifteen for God’s sake!”  
“Okay, don't bite my head off! It’s just you’ll know. When you’re in love I mean. You can get caught three ways. You’ll either fall really suddenly and realisation will come on impact with the ground. Or it’ll be like ascending a staircase, each step seems insignificant; that as a collective whole amount to a vast height, you’re aware that you’re taking them but you can’t stop climbing. Then there’s the most deadly. A small gentle incline where the gradient is unnoticeable, they’re an extension of you, like your wand and you’re not even aware it’s happening. Like watching yourself day by day in the mirror, you always think you look the same until you look back at an old photo and suddenly realise how much you’ve changed. Either way, you’ll know.” This caused Harry to chuckle.  
“You do sound like you have a lot of experience to speak from.”  
“Yes” replied Sirius “I was quite the womanizer in my time.” Harry frowned deeply.  
“But what about you, have you ever been in love?”

His godfather’s eyes had gone misty as if staring at something in the very far distance, which was too remote to focus on properly. “Sirius?” but he didn’t reply, clearly caught in nostalgic thoughts. Harry decided to call it a night; he was clearly going to get no reply from his godfather who was wrapped in his own memories. Bowing to Buckbeak he left the room and headed for bed.


	2. Part two: secrets, worries and freedom?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is when it all begins really. Just a bit of background to Sirius's home life before he joins Hogwarts. A bit about his home life and family and how he feels about leaving home and joining school. We also get a bit of a personality insight and a look into one of his hobbies which I love! - even if I do say so myself. Enjoy!

Sirius sat at the end of his bed, on his trunk which was already packed, and glanced around his room. It was devoid of all character, no posters on the walls, no junk on the bedside table, no faded favourite sheets – just a room. In his wardrobe hung a set of Slytherin robes along with matching gloves, scarf and tie, ready to be sent to him after he had been sorted, he had had to convince his mother to not make him pack them from the start. There was even a quidditch set, even though he would not be able to play for another year and there was no guarantee that he would make the team. Sirius had protested profusely from the start and his parents had only though that he was just embarrassed to be so humbled by ‘the noble house of Black’, but they did not know the truth.

Sirius was far from embarrassed or humbled, in fact quite the opposite, he was ashamed. He hated his family – his parents doted upon his younger brother Regulus and always expected Sirius to be as good, but no matter how hard he tried the boy just didn’t fit his family, or more they didn’t fit him. They complained about the Ministry when he thought they did a good job of dealing with all things magical. They bad mouthed halfbloods and thought that muggleborns (or mudbloods as they preferred to call them) should be dead, whereas he thought that all wizards were the same and should be treated equally. They put constant pressure on him to be something that he was not – perfect – Regulus. Even the bloody house elf hated him. Originally Sirius had tried to be kind to Kreacher, pitying him for his parents maltreatment and misuse (they thought that all other magical creature were beneath them). Yet the poor misguided animal almost enjoyed being chastised by Mrs. Black and would not hear a word against her, so turned on Sirius when he expressed his views on his mother.

Sirius was completely isolated apart from the twice yearly pats on the head that he received from his father which only took place when his mother was not about. There were also the occasional moments when Regulus would stand up for him, although they younger boy was often contrary and after a bout of kindness allowed his mother to continue criticising Sirius whilst he bathed in her affection. If Sirius was sure of one thing it was his mother’s distain for him for him. In reflection his may have been unfair on his family they were not affection with him as they were with Regulus but they did not treat him harshly. He was cared for, had an allowance and was generally tolerated if he did not try and go up against his mother. In fact their insistence on the quidditch uniform might have been encouragement in his family’s eyes. Sometimes Sirius thought that if it wasn’t for his mother his relationship with his father and mother would have been very different. Yet he knew that not one of them loved him and he was sure they never would.

Yet Sirius was still his own person despite they lack of opportunity to be an individual under his mothers constant scrutiny. To say that his bedroom was completely barren of character was inaccurate. Stuffed under his mattress liked a collection of muggle newspapers, magazines, flyers and anything else the eleven year old could get his hands on. He loved them. They seemed like quaint normality: photographs that didn’t move and text on uniform columns about trivial matters on people of no importance, yet he thrived off them. He collected them on the quiet and read them at night by candle light, adding to the stash whenever he was allowed out of the house unoccupied – therefore seldom. And he loved them so, loved them so because until recently they had been the only things owned which actually said who he was and gave him an identity.

Now however he had more. Clothes. Muggle clothes which he actually liked, not dark heavy robes which always seemed too cumbersome and formal. He had insisted to his mother that he needed muggle clothes, and at first she had had resisted, only caving when Regulus reasoned that all wizards had muggle clothes and that they couldn’t very well turn up at the train station with Sirius in robes. Sirius had chosen a cross between casual rocker and skater boy style, which he had seen in his magazines, though admittedly on older teens and young adults. Yet the look suited him. He had also wanted to try something called kohl: people wore it under their eyes and it made them stand out but after some research into the topic he realised that only females wore such things and he would look out of place and in hindsight rather stupid. Plus he didn’t want to push the boat out too far with his mother for fear of capsizing.

He was currently wearing a pair of black converse, grey jeans that were tight at the leg but baggy at the bum where the waistband of his underwear was visible. A studded black leather belt was threaded through said jeans. He wore a dark top with a motif or logo of so muggle band, he had no idea who they were, and a navy jacket. He kept smoothing his hair so that it could sit flatter and therefore longer, as his mother constantly made sure that his hair was cut short so that curled, but he preferred it when it was longer as it fell in softer waves. He had tried growing it in secret aiming to cultivate it so that it mimicked Regulus’s loose carefree black/brown waves. And true to form his mother had mercilessly cut his hair ignoring his protests. He had looked stupid, like his hair was a cropped afro! That night he had squirmed unable to sleep fearful of the verbal onslaught that Regulus would assault him with in the morning, even though he knew his brother couldn’t help it. He had wished that his hair would grow back... and it did! His mother was seething but Sirius didn’t care, he had a smug air about himself as he had unintentionally used magic to defy his mother. And it felt like a small victory in his eyes. Yet she had attacked his head since and had not been able to recreate the speeding growth overnight again.

Now he tried teasing his hair out with his fingers; pulling it forwards to try and make it cover his forehead. At least he would be able to grow it at school. He hadn’t yet expressed his wishes to his parents, but he did not intend to come home unless he had to. He would stay at school for weekends which they would not find odd as virtually all witches and wizards did. But he would also stay for the holidays and they would only find out when he didn’t get off the Hogwarts Express, that was unless Narcissa told them by urgent owl, but he was not likely to check on his annoying cousin and in all honesty Sirius had to admit that his parents weren’t likely to care and at least at school he could escape their influence and find an ounce of tranquillity in life.

The combination of his dark brown hair, clothes and general pureblood features were a heady outcome. His high cheekbones and hollow face made him look ever so slightly feminine, but not in a bad way, in a super modelesque imitation. His thin nose and mouth gave him a refined, respectable look, but his eyes really showed his personality. He had the family’s eyes; grey, yet dark and endless, they seemed to smoulder with some ferocity. They had great depth and a sadness within and something about the set of his eyes which his other family member seemed to lack, a kind mildness that spoke of kinship and compassion. His eyes alone were enough to make a girl subconsciously fix her hair. This added with his clothes and features meant a result that was somewhat shocking and most definitely striking. A mysterious boy with dark eyes drowning in sorrow, who looked so lonely as well as several years older than his tender age of eleven. Little did he know at this point just how many hearts he would break.

He pulled out his wand. It was perfect. He had never really known what he had wanted from a wand, just what he didn’t. He didn’t want a wand like Regulus’s mahogany black one (of course his younger brother had had a wand before Sirius) it was too dark, imposing almost. And he didn’t want a wand like his father’s which was gnarled and twisted and generally an odd shape due to the knots in the wood that it had been crafted from. Sirius’s parents – well his mother – had denied him a wand when he was younger saying that there was no need, yet had proceeded to take Regulus wand shopping as a reward for something trivial even though he was a year Sirius’s junior. This made Sirius wonder if his mother’s contempt for him would go as far as being neglectful. Yet she had caved when it had been imperative for his education and it could not be said that the Blacks were a family who did not look after their children.

It was a light grey/brown colour and made of a combination of ash and silver birch. It was 15 inches in length which seemed very long to Sirius at the moment but he knew he would grow into his wand just as one might grow into their features. The core was dragon heartstring which had initially worried Sirius as it was the core mostly easily turned to the darks arts. It was firm but with a small amount of springiness in the last inch making it perfect for transfiguration. It was squarish in shape but it rounded to a blunt point at the tip. Runes were carved on the first seven inches of the wand, a different set for each side. Ollivander had told Sirius that the wand would choose him and it had. Instantly. As he took the wand out of its box there was a silent calm, yet it was heavy, just like the lull before a storm. It felt right. His wand was not simply a piece of wood but an extension of himself. He was like a man who was blind at birth, he had never known what he lacked, but now he had been gifted it he could not imagine life without it. He had gained his sight. And it felt so natural – a part of him – they were in tune, it was part of his identity.

Sirius’s wand was his most prized possession.

“Sirius!” someone called. He felt like he was going to be sick. They would only call him if they needed to talk to him or they were ready to leave and neither meant good news. Leaving meant the Hogwarts express, which meant Hogwarts itself and worst of all the sorting hat and Slytherin. He would be in Slytherin there was no doubt, all his family had been in Slytherin right from the first Black, even his seemingly nice cousin Andromeda. He was a pure blood of the notorious house of black, a wealthy family who were the descendants of Salazar Slytherin himself and Phineas Nigellus Black the only Headmaster of Hogwarts to have been from Slytherin. Slytherin. He silently prayed to a god that he didn’t believe in, “Any other house”. Despite his parents constant reminders of his stupidity he was actually more than clever enough to be in Ravenlaw and certainly brave enough to be in Gryffindor if his constant battles with his mother counted for anything. He wouldn’t even mind being in Hufflepuff, the house famous for being infamous. Except that that wasn’t technically true, all Hufflepuffs had a kind heart and were good with animals. Sirius wasn’t though because they distrusted him, but Hufflepuff was the house least likely to produce a dark witch of wizard so maybe it would suit him just fine. And as long as it meant he didn’t have to be in Slytherin anything would be perfect and if it meant befriending a few animals then so be it.

A head poked round the frame of Sirius’s door, soft waves slicked back mercilessly with a parting to the side; Sirius wondered why Regulus had changed his hair and was glad for the first time ever that his hair did not resemble his brothers. “Didn’t you hear me? It’s time to go. Kreacher! Take Sirius's trunk down.” After the house elf had disappeared levitating the in front of him Regulus remained. “Well can I help you?” Sirius asked sarcastically. The younger brother glanced at the elder, sizing him up. Although Regulus was a year and a quarter younger than Sirius, he had inherited his family’s height earlier on than his brother and was a good half a head taller than his brother. “It’s going to be different now isn’t it, now you're at school I mean.”  
“I sure hope so” he replied “what do you care anyway?”  
“Well it’s just if you're not here then mother and father-” Sirius let out a stark bark of bitter, humourless laughter.  
“You selfish git! You're worried that if I’m not here to blame little Regulus won’t be seen as such an angel.” He said whilst grabbing his brother’s cheek between his index finger and thumb as a mock sign of affection.  
“No! I’m worried that’ll get worse.” A raised eyebrow from Sirius. “I mean, don't get me wrong I love the attention I get and I feel sorry for you-”  
“Oh spare me your pity, please!”  
“No wait I'm not done. I'm worried that they'll suffocate me and that when you come home things will just be worst for you.” “Well you've only got a year to wait.”

Something about the gravity of the room changed. Regulus was silent regarding his brother and what he had just said whilst Sirius was trying to fathom his brother’s lapse in speech, had he said something he wasn’t meant to? When Regulus spoke his tone was not accusatory just as if he was reciting some well known fact or other. “You’re not coming back are you? I mean you'll only come back at summer when you have to.” What was the point in denying it although they shared do few similarities and did not get on well Regulus still knew him more than anyone else. Sirius nodded not breaking eye contact. “Don't worry I won’t tell them, well I will but only on the day you're due back. I mean they can’t order you home and it might mean you get a howler at Christmas but...” he stepped forward suddenly clinching his brother in an awkward hug. It would have looked endearing if the older brother had been the taller of the two, but he wasn’t and stood there impassive arms locked and bent at the elbow. The hug lasted a nanosecond and was almost as quickly forgotten. “See you next summer then.” Regulus grinned. Sirius followed at an unsuspecting pace, he didn’t bother with a last glance back at his even though he wouldn’t see it for 10 months. 

This was a bookmark. A new chapter in his life which, hopefully led to a brighter future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've tried to stay as true to the books as possible as personally they end up being the type of fic that I enjoy the most. Sorry for the varying chapter length, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!


	3. Part three: family, friendships and sorting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well this is were it all begins I guess...

Sirius stood on platform 93/4 apathetic to the scarlet engine which had ceased to amuse him after the first time he has seen it. This was the ninth time he had been on the platform, saying farewell to his cousins Bellatrix and Andromeda at the start of each year. Thankfully his eldest, gothic, slightly psychotic cousin had finished two years ago, Sirius and she just did not get on so much so that she made Walburga’s treatment of her son seem positively cosy.

Narcissa, Andromeda and Bellatrix were waiting on the platform with their parents for the Blacks to arrive. When they did there was a formal exchange of pleasantries. “Hi” said Andromeda clasping Sirius in a hug as the adults talked in subdued tones and the other two sisters whispered to each other under their breath. “We’ve arranged it so that you and Sissy sit in the same compartment on the way there along with some ‘friends’, -no look don't but in, I’d much rather you got to go to the prefects cabin at the front.” She looked down at him sympathetically. “It’ll be fine Sirius, just keep your head low okay?” He nodded giving his other, younger cousin a dirty look while the adults couldn’t see.

“Come on I’ll give you a hand with your trunk.” Between them they lugged the trunk onto the train, Narcissa on their heels. “You’d have thought that when people put the inside enlargement charm thing on trunks they would have thought of some way to make them lighter.” Sirius commented. “Nah, that’d too obvious, hey if no one does it you've got yourself a money maker there Sirius!”

The journey down the corridor was long and slow, they passed many exits and Sirius wondered why they hadn’t just got on, on a closer one. He also wondered why Andromeda didn’t use a charm to levitate his trunk down the passage way, she was in fifth year after all: it must’ve been well within her capabilities. It must be that she enjoyed the lingering and the prolonged isolation from the majority of her relations. She, like Sirius, was the odd one out in her family, never quite fitting in. This was probably why the two of them got on so well. “Hurry up will you.” Came Narcissa’s sharp stern voice from behind. “Yes Narcissa, we’re going as fast as we can.” He said it as patronisingly as he could to stop himself for snapping at her. It would give him a small piece of mind and a little victory to know that he had annoyed his cousin.

Shortly her presence behind him disappeared and he let out a sigh of relief. But almost as soon as he has become accustomed to the respite from his cousin was, the presence was behind him was back tapping her foot impatiently. He was stretched to bursting point, full with irritation. She sighed. He snapped. “Bloody hell! For god’s sake what is your problem you arrogant spoilt brat, just bugger off and annoy someone else.” He hissed reeling around to face her. The petit figure now in front of him looked far from impressed. The hair which flowed down like a waterfall to her shoulders was not platinum blond but light auburn. The eyes were not dark and slanted but wide almond shaped and green. Her cheeks were not hollow and sharp but plump with a pleasant glow and a crowning of freckles. The girl, stony faced at Sirius's outburst, turned on her heel and marched briskly back the way she had come. 

Sirius stood silent for a moment before this was interrupted by Andromeda's sniggering. “You thought that was Sissy didn’t you?” To which he replied with a groan and a somewhat half hearted “oh Shut up.” as they lugged his trunk into a compartment which already showed signs of occupation. After Sirius had retrieved his robes and textbook for the journey and bundled them onto a seat Andromeda finally used a levitation spell to lift the case on top of the overhead rack. “Come on the whistles about to blow and its customary to say goodbye to ones parents even if neither you nor them really want to.” The older cousin then placed an arm around the narrow shoulders of the younger boy and led him to their waiting relatives. 

Farewells were awkward for all to say the least. The exception being Narcissa who was doted upon by both sides of the family and received adoring embraces from everyone – even Regulus who was slightly put out from not being the centre of attention for once. All the attention she was receiving caused an elegant blush on her pallid cheeks as she preened in the limelight only making them croon more. Sirius could see now why Narcissa was always complimented on her beauty, whilst she had a blush and a smile she didn’t look like the evil vindictive child that Sirius knew her to be, yet for thus reason he would never truly be able to call her pretty. All the attention that Narcissa received was far more than Sirius got: his father Orion looks as if he was going to pat his son on the head but seeing Wulburga’s expression decided not to. He shared a meaningful nod with Regulus, their eyes not parting. It was estranged but they had said their farewells earlier and that had been far more than Sirius had ever expected anyway. All he got from his mother was a nod; she didn’t even look him in the eye. He was saved from an awkward tension when the whistle rang keenly and gaily and the students began filling the train. “So long” said Sirius audibly, followed by “and good riddance!” which was only heard by his middle cousin who replied with a sharp elbow to the ribs as they boarded the train. 

He didn’t look back.

Once in the compartment Narcissa hung out of the window, waving manically to her family, her sister at her side as the train gathered speed. Watching them Sirius thought how odd it must be to loved and love being adored. “Cheerio and good luck!” proclaimed Andromeda which stopped him from dwelling. She gave him a hearty clap on the back and strode off toward the front of the train. It was ironic how out of all his partings that of his middle cousins had been the fondest and he would see her in a few hours. 

The assortment that joined the compartment had clearly been selected by his family. There was Narcissa and himself, a black girl with braided hair and a flat nose, a short skinny boy with short black hair and an intimidating look in his eyes, and a well built lad with honeyish hair in soft spikes of about an inch. They all looked like the type of pureblood that was either intelligent, beautiful, rich or had connections. Sirius suspected that most probably had multiple if not all. 

“Well” said Narcissa assuming her usual controlling place, “I think, seeing as we will not only be class mates but house mates as well, we should introduce ourselves.” Her tone was arrogant and demanding and Sirius already wanted to hit her head against a wall repeatedly. “I am Narcissa Black and this is my-”. A slight squeak as the door slid open disrupted her speech and made all look at who stood in the hallway. He was a tall gangly boy with broad shoulders for his age – an odd combination- and almost black hair that seemed to stand at any imaged angle. On his handsome face he wore a slightly bemused expression as he regarded Narcissa. Sirius immediately liked him simply for interrupting his cousin.

“Erm sorry, are you the people that I’m meant to sit with? My parents arranged it so that I had someone to share a carriage with. I think I'm distantly related to some of you I think? You are the right compartment aren’t you?” No replied at first, everyone was eying him up except Narcissa who was still in dismay at being interrupted, as if it were something personal. Sirius broke the hush. “Yes we are, all of us shepherded together by over protective parents. Here, let me give you a hand with your trunk.” The taller boy nodded, opening the door wider to allow enough room to get the case through. Between them they managed to store it in the overhead racks: which was quite an achievement considering that Sirius was supporting most of the weight whilst the other boy pushed. 

Only once the boy had successfully stowed his luggage and was no longer occupied by a task did he notice the dirty look that he was receiving from the petit blonde with sharp grey eyes. “Sorry, did I interrupt something?” he asked cheerily. She did not reply at first and he took an unsure seat opposite the boy with brown hair who had helped him with his trunk.  
“As I was saying,” proclaimed Narcissa suddenly, making everyone slightly startled “before I was rudely interrupted,” –she glare at the late arrival “as we will be both class mates and house mates we should introduce ourselves, hobbies, family, etcetera. I’ll begin, I'm Narcissa Black, this is my cousin.” she gestured at him.  
“Wow I'm a ventriloquist.” he muttered under his breath so she could not hear  
“and my older sister Andromeda is a fifth year prefect.” She finished but remained standing, staring pointedly at the coloured girl.  
“I'm Helena Zabini, my brother is in his fourth year and I er, I like...” the trailed off, trying to think of something but Narcissa soon got bored and looked indignantly at the next person.  
“I'm Daniel Bell, erm I don't have any siblings and I like quidditch.” As soon as the blonde boy had finished she looked at the next, clearly impatient.  
“Albert Parkinson, I like dragons.” He stated simply.  
“Okay.” Narcissa interjected, elongating the syllables. She had clearly already formulated her opinion on the individual and it was not a positive one.

She took a long time before turning to the new comer. “You?” she enquired, sickeningly sweetly. Sirius knew that she was challenging the boy. “I was christened James Charlus Potter but I’ll let you call me James. I'm related to the blacks, who as far as I know, are the only relatives I have at school. I collect chocolate frog cards as a hobby and also enjoy flying. Any questions?” She was clearly impressed, but had managed to skilfully mask her disbelief at being related. “And lastly.” She said bitterly. Sirius didn’t answer straight away but finally he did so reluctantly. “Sirius Black, Narcissa and Andromeda are my cousins. Apparently I’m related to the Potters and I like reading.” Muggle magazines and paper because I like muggles- he finished off the sentence in his head. 

“Well that’s introductions then.” Announced Narcissa, going to sit next to Helena who was the only female company. Sirius retrieved his book and stuck his nose in it, drowning out the babble of the others. When he next looked up from ‘A basic guide to herbology’ James was reading a quidditch magazine, whilst the others played a game of exploding snap which one of the boys had bought. James seeing that Sirius was staring at his magazine, got up and moved to sit next to him.  
“Do you play?” he enquired.  
Sirius shook his head and sighed. “No, I've always wanted to, but as soon as my younger brother decided he had an interest in it, I couldn’t really. I mean they never told me that I couldn’t learn the rules, but they certainly would never take me to games if Regulus wanted to go and it was easier to isolate myself from something completely rather than have half of something. Plus it was less hassle than trying to resist my parents; Regulus and I can never have the same hobbies.”  
James looked horrified. “That’s terrible! They wouldn’t let you show an interest in quidditch because your younger brother did? Correct me if I'm wrong, I'm not sure as I don't have any siblings, but I thought it was always the older brother who got priority.”  
Sirius sighed yet again. “Yeah that’s the way with most people. But my parents don't like me much. In all honesty I'm kind of the odd one out in my family.” He looked around shiftily and lowered his voice so that his companion had to strain his ears. “And I’ll tell you a secret. I really don't want to be in Slytherin.” 

The other boy stopped: stared directly at him, eyebrows raised. Sirius's heartbeat quickened, he had thought that James wouldn’t judge him the same as the others and that maybe the two shared a similar mind set. Clearly he had been wrong. James too glanced around the compartment before speaking just as Sirius had done moments ago, but he did not speak the harsh abusive words that Sirius had anticipated. “Me too!” he said with evident mirth. “My father was in Gryffindor, and I really want to be.” Sirius let out a breath he had been holding in anticipation.  
“Thank God, I thought for a second that you were a typical pure blood and were going to turn on me.”  
The other boy shook his head. “No never.” He said melancholy offering Sirius his hand. The boy took it, grasped it firmly and shook vigorously, sealing the deal of his first friendship that wasn’t with Andromeda.

..................................................................................................................................................................

“Anything off the trolley dears?” hollered the lady pushing the food wagon. She stopped a bit further ahead of James and Sirius’s cabin. A steady trickle of children appeared from the surrounding areas to buy various edible delights. “I’m going to-” but Sirius broke off at the sight of the figure cueing outside his compartment. As the redhead stood in line she chatted to a pale boy with a hooked nose, black curtained hair that was visibly greasy and odd mix match clothing that didn’t seem to fit him very well. Turning around she spotted the boy who had insulted her earlier. “Don't you think Severus that some people are just extremely rude when they don't have cause to be, and that they should be taught some manners?”  
As she spoke she had raised her voice so that everyone in Sirius’s compartment could hear. Fortunately for him only Sirius and James were listening. The former winced internally, but his exterior was stone still, portraying no emotion – this was how he had learnt to deal with his mothers verbal onslaughts and it usually worked, plus this fiery ginger had nothing on Walburga Black’s banshee shriek. His impassiveness just seemed to get the girl more worked up as she continued to rant to her friend. After she had not provoked a response she sighed exasperatedly and stalked off leaving the queue, the slimy boy following hot on her heals. 

Without a word to his new found friend Sirius stood, walked to the trolley and returned with two chocolate frogs in hand. “Here,” he said holding one out to James.  
“Er thanks” he accepted the box and sat there playing with it for a minute before looking up at the purchase. “What was that all about, with that girl I mean?”  
“I thought she was my cousin” he answered simply as if that explained everything, due to James’s blank expression it clearly didn’t so he continued. “Andromeda, my older cousin was helping me with my trunk and Narcissa kept telling us to hurry up. Repeatedly. But then she left, and then came back again and started sighing- or so I thought, and my patience just kinda snapped and I shouted right at her, only it wasn’t her, it was that other girl.”  
James whistled “Well I wouldn’t like to get on the wrong side of her, she seemed quite fiery... but dang hot!”  
Now that Sirius thought about it he supposed she really was quite attractive. He had never really had any contact with the opposite sex other than those he was related to, so had never been attracted to a girl before, well a real girl not one of the many models in his magazines. Thinking about it he wasn’t sure how he would find it, the whole girlfriend thing, isn’t that what you did at high school? He liked the idea, most boys his ages were still in the stages where they thought girls contagious but Sirius rather fancied he would be good with girls (and how little he knew that he would be in his element).

Shaking the thoughts from his head like old cobwebs he looked down at his lap and saw the chocolate frog that he had momentarily forgotten. Opening it he managed to catch it even though he had not eaten many of them before, removing the card from the wrappings he handed it straight to James. “Oh thanks” the boy said “oh I've got this one, its Gillert Grindlewald, here why don't you start collecting them?” he said passing the card back to the original owner. His own card swiftly followed that of Gillert’s which was of Albus Dumbledore, which Sirius pushed into his satchel without examination and launched into James’s quidditch magazine with great gusto.  
At some point during the journey the other member of the compartment must have changed into their robes, as Sirius was disrupted from his reading by an annoying throat clearing from his left, “Yes Narcissa?” he asked, voice dripping with strained patience.  
“You had better get changed we will be arriving soon.” She said as if to a simpleton or very small child. Rolling his eyes Sirius closed the magazine and over at James who had already changed, and raised an eyebrow to him. Picking up his satchel that contained his robes he left the other purebloods in search for a convenient place to change.

He soon found himself lost. No matter where he looked he couldn’t seem able to find such a place and he was no longer fully sure as to where he was or which way he had gone. He was trying to steal the courage to ask someone but it failed him as all the compartments held either large groups or significantly older students and in the most worrying of cases, both. Eventually he passed a carriage that contained only two people and both seemed to be of a similar age to him. Doubling back he peered in and saw that they were wearing the non descript black ties of first years and he allowed himself a sigh of relief.

One figure was a short boy, shorter still than Sirius. He was plump and had thick, coarse, sandy hair and an upturned nose. He was plump. The other was relatively skinny, or so Sirius presumed as his robes covered his figure completely. He was sitting in the corner leaning on the window and even from that distance Sirius could see the bags under his closed eyes. He had light brown/blonde hair and although his clothes and general appearance were clean and fresh he still managed to look somewhat worn. 

Sirius pushed the door open and began speaking quickly before he had time to change his mind. “Excuse me, I may be slightly lost, do you perchance know where I will be able to change, I fear I've left it rather late.” He laughed awkwardly. God how pretentious and snobby had he just sounded? They probably direct him to the prefect’s cabin in jest now! An uncomfortable pause ensued. “Down the corridor about ten yards, opposite an entrance is a bathroom.” The skinny boy who had appeared to be half dozing replied, not even opening his eyes. The other child stared in silence, his chubby cheeks framing his watery eyes. “Erm thanks for your help” replied Sirius slightly put off by the somewhat cool reception, even if it had been due to his unintentional tone. He left indiscreetly in search of said convenience.

It was hopeless. He was soon lost again and wondered how he had managed in the Black’s mazelike terrace for the first eleven years of his life. Was his sense of direction really that bad? He peered into the nearest cart and saw that it contained a gaggle of girls, wearing the same black tie and robes as the boys earlier had been. He breathed calming himself. “Excuse me” he said opening the compartment door, fully aware that this was an exact repeat of his earlier attempt at direction seeking. He was met by a volley of high pitched giggles and continued to stare inconspicuously from under fluttering eyelashes. “I was told there was a bathroom near here; could one of you please direct me?” Again the girls giggled and some even sighed as they elbowed each other until finally a particularly brash girl stop up. “I'm Annabel Clearwater, I’ll take you” she had an odd look on her face, a cross between smugness and impatience. She offered her hand and cleared her throat. “Oh, I'm Sirius Black” he said shaking her hand uncertainly. “And yes please. Thank you.” She did not pull her hand away, instead the lead him away from her friends with looks of envy, hands still holding. 

She kept looking at Sirius as they progressed, giving him a shy smile every now and again, and he couldn’t help looking back. She was quite curvy for her again with a halo of dark curled and full lips. She was giving Sirius a lot of attention which he was not used to and liked. She was flirting with him without even saying anything and from the way her friends had acted she wasn’t the only one who had found him attractive. Girls thought Sirius there’s tons of girls here and no parent, oh imagine what I could get up to. Now it was his turn to smile shyly. 

..................................................................................................................................................................

After he had finished changing Annabel had insisted that on escorting him back to his carriage for fear that he would get lost again. They bid farewell at the compartment doors and she lingered longer than was necessary, looking back over her shoulder as she departed. “And who was that?” demanded Narcissa as he crossed the threshold. “Cissy!” he stressed her name with clearly theatrical adoration. “I'm a big boy now, I can look after myself, and I don't see how it’s any of your concern. But if perchance you are actually interested her name was Annabel Clearwater, she showed me where I could get changed. I got lost see.”  
She only replied with a “Humph” and flounced back to her seat. James gave him a raised eyebrow but Sirius just shook his head dismissively. 

The rest of the journey passed in near silence and far too soon for Sirius's liking the faint squeal of brakes was audible over the general din of the locomotive. After a seeming eternity it stopped. By this point all the students were eager to get off the train that they had been confined in for hours, especially those in Sirius's carriage who had never been to the school before. He however, remained seated. Apprehensive of what was to come.  
“Come on.” Commanded James as he gave Sirius a nudge, “It won’t be that bad” he said.  
“But that’s just the thing,” replied Sirius, “what if it is?” His companion didn’t reply, he just shrugged his shoulders and cocked his head, indicating that his friend should follow. 

On the platform they were met by a boom of “First years, this way, come along now.” Shortly followed by an echo of the same words, but in a different voice, with a strong accent that seemed to vary in tone from high to low. “Hagrid!” the first voice scolded “I told you, you're not to shout that's my job. Just direct students to the boats or you'll just end up confusing them. It’s a wonder they can understand you with your voice breaking and that accent of yours anyway.”  
“Yes professor, sorry professor, I’m jus’ excited is all!” came the response.

“Sirius look!” James elbowed him in the side and Sirius followed the extended finger with his eyes. The second voice was coming from a huge man who was a few feet wide and about 8ft tall, well that's how tall Sirius presumed he was, as he had never had to gauge the height of someone that tall before. He had also assumed that this giant of a man was just abnormally tall, but on further inspection he was just that a giant! And not a fully grown one by the look of it: downy sideburns and baby faced. This giant was in the awkward stage of late adolescence, no longer a teenager but not yet a man, on the brink between the two. “Wow!” Sirius exclaimed.

“Come on first years, this way, three to a boat please.” The professor instructed, shepparding the boys to a cluster of small craft along with the other students. Sirius climbed into one cautiously followed by a less wary James, who grinning, knocked and jostled the boat. Much to Sirius's distaste the third and final member to join their boat was Narcissa who crossed herself primly in the prow, stony faced. “Oh God give me strength!” her cousin muttered under his breath, causing James to titter loudly, subsequently making Narcissa turn around suddenly to give them a sour look. “Sorry little cousin dear!” Sirius simpered sarcastically at her. Before she could retort there was an almighty boom as the giant clapped his hands and the professor their departure with, “Forwards!” There were no tillers, no oarsmen, no motor and no sails yet the vessels glided silently through the water, causing no ripples so that the moons reflected back as if from a mirror. It was an eerie procession, yet one that contained ethereal beauty. And all too soon for Sirius's liking it was shattered by the impressive figure of Hogwarts looming up at them from the dark. Lights were blazing in every window and the castle seemed to glow from within, growing as they approached until its true, unimaginable size was made clear. 

On departure the students were chivvied into the great entrance hall of Hogwarts, where a stern faced woman met them. “McGonagall” Sirius mouthed to his cousin and they shared a secret smile for the first time, their nerves momentarily weakening the hatred between them. Andromeda had told them all about strict head of Gryffindor and transfiguration teacher. “As you may or may not know, I am professor McGonagall, deputy head mistress of Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry.” She announced in a soft Scottish brogue. She then proceeded to explain the formalities of the sorting process that was about to take place. She then instructed them to wait there and entered the great hall. Without supervision the flock of children broke into a gaggle of excitement, followed by a chorus of shrieks as the infamous Hogwarts ghost started floating up out of the floors and holding conversations with the new arrivals.  
Suddenly the doors to the great hall were flung open and the soon to be first years escorted in by a boy and girl wearing badges proclaiming them the head boy and girl. Sirius's heart skipped a beat and he broke into a cold sweat, he did not acknowledge the impressive ceiling but instead was super aware of the mass of people that were looking at him. He found Andromeda eying him from the right. Green and silver. His heart momentarily swelled realising that his older cousin was more worried about him than her sister. She gave him an encouraging smile that turned to one of questioning concern when she registered the expression on his face. He looked away hurriedly turning to James and saying, “I think I'm going to be sick.” But before his new friend could comfort him the sorting began.  
The first person that he knew, to be sorted was Daniel Bell, who was placed in Ravenclaw, which made the bands around Sirius's heart loosened a bit, maybe there was too much emphasis on being n Slytherin, but the look on Narcissa’s face told him otherwise. As soon as Daniel had taken his seat at the bronze and blue table the deputy headmistress called another name.  
His name.

“Sirius Black”, he jumped slightly then started swiftly towards the stool but it felt like he was fighting through treacle the whole way; not fully in control of his limbs. Once he finally sat on the stool the old patched hat was placed on his head where it immediately became animated. The boy twitched and waited, holding his breath before the hat eventually began to speak to itself. Sirius could hear but it didn’t appear that anyone else could. “Hmm where to put you? A bit and enigma hey, smart so Ravenclaw? Ambitious definitely, so Slytherin? But brave as a Gryffindor, hmm not loyal enough to be a Hufflepuff but then again I guess you've had no course to be. But you’d be loyal to those you loved so maybe... Oh but a non conformist I see. So the family favour Slytherin? But then you're the only sheep in this family that isn’t black. Hmm. Keep your head down in Hufflepuff? Or become a true academic, no better be ‘GRYFFINDOR!’” it finally bellowed.

He managed to crawl from the podium, his stomach in his mouth as dread consumed him. The red and gold tabled roared in acknowledgment as everyone clapped. He searched for Andromeda, her face a look of disbelief and confusion turned into a smile as she noticed Sirius looking at her and she joined in the applause. She was the only one in Slytherin. Narcissa was next and the hat had barely brushed the top of her crown before shouting “SLYTHERIN” and she trotted off to her sister’s side, giving her cousin the dirtiest look he had yet to receive.

..................................................................................................................................................................

Sirius sat there silently, all nervous energy. The Clearwater girl who had shown him to the bathroom was sorted into Hufflepuff along with another girl with the same surname which must have been her sister or cousin. As if to make Sirius more anxious the redheaded girl that he had unintentionally insulted on the train was also sorted into Gryffindor, (but she paid him no attention) much to the disappointment of her lank haired companion from earlier who seemed happy at being sorted into Slytherin along with Parkinson and Zabini. Much to both their reliefs Sirius was joined by James and both the tired and plump boys from the train who were called Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew respectively as well as some other students who Sirius didn’t recognise. 

Later they were escorted to their dorms and even as he tried to fall asleep he could not allow himself to relax completely.

..................................................................................................................................................................

At breakfast the next morning he was still just as tense, refusing to eat anything against James’s best advice. The news would have reached his parents by now and he was petrified. He kept glancing at the morning post, expecting one of the families owls that had been gifted with his acceptance letter, to any minute swoop down and place a crimson envelope in front of him. An envelope that meant only one thing. A howler. But it did not arrive. This only made him more worried. He did not receive the verbal storm that was usually his mother’s anger. Instead the fury that his parents were feeling was clearly one of cold, silent fury. It was terrifying.

..................................................................................................................................................................

Eventually he settled in to a routine. Andromeda would quite often talk to him, as if impassive to his sorting. Even coming to sit with him at meals sometimes, acting impervious to the looks that she received form Slytherins and Gryffindors alike. He only spoke to Narcissa however, when forced to in lessons. He formed a strong bond with James. Remus and Pete, whose initial coldness had been due to nerves, was duly forgotten. Remus was exceptionally clever, managing to make even Sirius and James appear stupid- though never intentionally-, he was always tired though and like peter a halfblood. Peter was slow, lazy and sometimes dim witted but adorable, funny and generally lovable due to his eagerness to impress. He too was a halfblood, though his mother was a muggle (which greatly interested Sirius), unlike Remus whose parents were both wizards but only half blood themselves. For the most part he had nothing to do with the redhead, Lily, for which he was glad, until James decided that it would be a good idea to pull a prank on her friend Severus, to which they received rather an earful from her. It was clear to the other three boys that James clearly had a thing for her but nothing was said.

There was only an awkward pause in life once Christmas arrived and Sirius did not go home. Andromeda hugged him goodbye promising that she would try to ease the blow, but only on the grounds that he had to write to her at least three times a week. But he didn’t mind in the slightest, he could write to his older cousin three times a day and still find things to say. He did not say goodbye to Narcissa . James stayed to keep him company and they became closer still. Much like Tweedle Dum and Dee, constantly creating mischief. 

The summer came and Sirius had to return home. His parents virtually ignored him. They weren’t neglectful, he had food and money with which to purchase his red and gold robes and books for second year (the silver and green ones had been removed from his wardrobe), but he had to buy them himself. In a way he had a new sense of freedom, his parents no longer cared so during the day he was allowed to go where he pleased, however ever so often his mother would go on a banshee wail where she would shout at him, telling him he was still a child and not allowed to do as he pleased, going around sullying the name of the noble and proud house of Black. But he just learn to tune her out without response which only seemed to anger her more and she would watch him like a hawk for the next few day before returning back to apathy. Regulus had been right, after the event that was Sirius his parents now suffocated their younger child, pinning all their expectations and ambitions on to him, with the hope that he could make up for their other child. But at least the relationship between the two brothers had improved; they were almost companionable now on the rare occasions that they were allowed to spend any time alone together. Which was seldom due to the belief that he would corrupt his younger sibling.

Regulus made friends straight away on the platform before they even boarded the train and a great fuss was made over his departure, but this was diminished by the appraisal he received when he was inevitably sorted in to Slytherin, receiving a gold peacock feather quill, a new hawk owl and a broom, even though first years weren’t allowed them. And so Sirius settled back into routine as another school year began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've tried to stay as true to the books as possible as personally they end up being the type of fic that I enjoy the most, however, you may have noticed that I've tampered with Hagrids age a bit as we know he's a similar age to Voldemort, but I thought it would be easier/nicer to explain the formation if a friendship between him and Sirius, which led Sirius to leave him the bike, anyway I'm sure we'll get on to that later. sorry for the varying chapter length, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Oh and sorry for the varying chapter lengths!


	4. Part four: realisation, confrontation and planning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Sirius realise what Remus is. Their reactions and actions.

Sirius ran up the stairs panting and flopped onto his bed, the commotion causing a brief pause in Peter’s soft snores which started again almost immediately, and ran his fingers over his swollen lips.  
“What happened to you?” James asked, “Or should I say who?”  
Sirius smirked in response. “Louise Vain, She’s better than the others. You know I think I prefer the older girls.”  
James raised an eyebrow questioningly, “What fourth year Hufflepuff Louise Vain? Two years older than you Louise Vain? You utter animal, stop trying to slack your constant anger with lust!”  
“Oh shut up. Honestly you’re almost as bad as Remus. Where is he anyway?” James shrugged in reply.

Sirius stretched out his now gangly limbs, he had finally had a growth spurt and was the same height as Remus and taller than both Peter and James. His legs now ached but from quidditch tryouts rather than accelerated growth, however his limbs weren’t the only bit of him in pain. His larger than average ego was wounded by not being accepted onto the Gryffindor quidditch team, even if he only was a second year. After all James had gotten a place as a chaser and they were in the same year. Sighing he relaxed, placing his forearms behind his head to act as a cushion.   
“James?”  
Grunt.   
“Have you noticed that Remus disappears at least once a month, claiming that he’s ill, or it’s a relative’s birthday or something. And then he just comes back a few days later as if he’s been here the whole time. No one has as much freedom as him, Dumbledore always lets him go. And it’s not fair on us ‘cause when he gets back he’s always grouchy and tired and- hey! He always goes at a similar time each month right?”  
James chuckled, “So? Wait you don't think he’s secretly a girl and it’s his time of month do you?”  
“No shut up, this is serious!”  
“Ha! You said serious! Seriously Sirius!”  
“Shut UP! And grow up. The more I think of it I’m actually worried about him. Whenever he comes back he has some form of injury and never- Wait what did you say?! His time of month...” he trailed off and James sobered. Both their eyes grew wide in silent shared epiphany.   
..................................................................................................................................................................

Remus rubbed his temples. Would this infernal ache never go away? It felt like a dragon was kneading its claws into his brain, just like they do before they curl up to sleep. It was making reading particularly hard. So were James and Sirius for that matter, muttering away in the corner together. He wouldn’t be bothered if they having a normal conversation which he would just be able to block out, but for some reason it was a lot harder to ignore a hushed mumble. It was beginning to set him on edge: he could hear that they were talking, but not what it was about – not that he really cared – it was white noise. But white noise was meant to be considerably quieter.   
“For the love of Merlin can you either shut up or talk normally, I’ve got a pounding head ache a-“  
“’-And am as tired as hell!’ sorry darling, didn’t mean to disturb you.” James flashed a dazzling smile.  
Remus closed his eyes and tried to focus on his internal dragon, it had stopped clawing now and settled down somewhat, but was growling in its sleep. A pressure appearing at his left elbow made him open them again. Sceptically he stared at Sirius’s cunning grin which quickly crafted itself into one of mock angelicness.  
“So what was it this time? Mother’s birthday-again?” He inquired  
James joined Remus’s other side. “Great aunt Agnes got dragon pox-again?”  
“Your grandfather discovered Merlin’s hat-again?”  
“Your father got promoted-again?”  
“ Dumbledore wanted you to-?”  
“-You didn’t fancy potions lesson-?”  
“-it was your time of month?”  
“You changed?”  
Remus closed his eyes as his blood ran cold and his pulse increased. No. No. No. They couldn’t know. They couldn’t! How had they figured it out? Sure they were both academic but when it came to the obvious they were as thick as two short wands. And if they had figured it out so would others. He’d have to leave. His chance at a normal life and education gone in the blink of an eye. Why? Dumbledore had assured him that he would be fine- that no one would find out. But clearly he hadn’t counted on bloody Sirius Black and James Potter. Arseholes. He was meant to be safe. He was meant to have a normal life. Be a normal. Just for once in his sorry life. Why. Why. Why. And he could see now how it was his fault. He never should have made friends. Never have allowed himself to get that close to others. If he’d been the weird quiet boy in the corner would they really have cared if he’d gone missing once a month? Of course that was easy to see now, and so bloody obvious. But at the time it held felt so right, part of being a normal child. He had clearly forgotten himself. Forgotten the monster that he was. The beast, the vile killing machine. Though how could he really ever forget? And now they had sussed it. The people he had grown to love, the people who, deep down inside he had kidded himself wouldn’t care. Oh god, how wrong and stupid he had been! They’d tell everyone. Beat him up and he couldn’t defend himself, firstly he didn’t have the strength so soon after a change and secondly he wouldn’t want to, because he’d know that the names they’d call him were true and that he deserved all the pain they inflicted upon him. He’d probably be beaten to death if the teachers didn’t hold the students off. He almost wished that they wouldn’t. But it wasn’t the physical hurt that he would feel most, that would be minuscule compared to the betrayal that he would feel from James and Sirius. Not that he could blame him. He hadn’t told them from the beginning it wasn’t like they were duty bound. The monster had lied now they would hurt the monster. 

The thoughts gushed rapidly through Remus’s head as he calmly opened his eyes once more. Letting out a silent breath as well as a prayer to Merlin he said “I’m sorry? I’m not sure what you mean. Me and my dad were watching a quidditch match actually. We can’t get tickets very often.”  
“Who did you see play then?”  
“Erm...” he stalled for awhile, not really having much interest in quidditch. “The Chudley Cannons and the Irish team.”  
“Hmm that’s interesting don't you think Sirius? A bit odd putting a minor league and a international team against each other isn’t it. And I was sure the Holly Harpies were playing this Tuesday. Oh well my mistake.”  
“Very odd indeed. So you're sure Lupin that it’s not because you're a werewolf and it was the full moon?” Raised eyebrow, cool as ever.  
“NO!” The answer was too soon. Too panicked. Too high pitched. Oh god.   
“Relax.” James commanded. “We’re not going to tell anyone apart from Peter, and besides you can trust us. We’ve got an idea.”  
And the prospect of one of James and Sirius's ideas filled Remus with more dread than the knowledge that they had obtained. 

So Sirius and James explained to Remus their plan to become Animagi. Detailing how they intended to prevent him from hurting himself and others. Remus was dead against the idea. Remus who always followed the rules and didn’t like his friends getting in trouble, especially at his expense. And Remus owed Dumbledore. The great wizard who had come to see the young wizard and deliver the acceptance letter himself. The amazing man who had given Remus more than he had ever dared to dream of. Remus tried to explain how he would hurt them: not intentionally, but he would. Except there was no dissuading them, not that he had really expected there would be. Sirius was persuasive and James demanding and ‘no’ was clearly not an answer they were going to accept. 

During all this Remus managed to relax. Slowly and surely coming to the realisation that these boys truly were his friends. They did not wish to hurt him and brand him names like he had thought, but instead were set on helping him; or at least what they thought classified as help. Remus found that his affection for the boys was stronger than ever. They really did want to become Animagi and help their werewolf friend, even if it was one part for the adventure and excitement, the other four parts were for him. 

After a time James left to tell Peter the plan, which would no doubt, be a painfully slow process. Sirius remained behind, still perched on the left hand side of Remus's bed, staring at the werewolf as if trying to depict something intangible.   
“He means what he said you know? We’ll stand by you. You can trust us.”  
Remus smiled, slightly perplexed. This was a subtle, emotional, vulnerable side to Sirius that was usually overshadowed by his cocky, arrogant nature; which in retrospect was probably placed there to protect himself, though from what Remus wasn’t sure.   
“I know what it feels like to be an outcast. I don't belong in my family. They hardly spoke to me this summer and would probably disown me if I was older and doing so wouldn’t tarnish the name of the ‘honourable’ house of Black. Andromeda’s the only one who treats me like family and she’s leaving next year. You may be a social outcast but at least your parents love you. And you've got us. I sure don't know what I'd have done without you guys, even Peter. Anyway... I should probably get some sleep; no doubt you need it too. I've been doing some reading see” He tapped himself on the forehead, “Night.” He brushed Remus's hair out of his face and lingered with a hand on his brow before giving a half smile and levering himself up off his friend’s bed. 

He left Remus feeling warm inside. It was clear that both James and Sirius cared for him, and they were certainly both equally annoying, whiney, noisy and a few worse traits besides, but they both truly did care. And after the conversation they had just shared, Remus was convinced that the latter really wasn’t as shallow as he may have initially seemed. Exhausted from his transformation, he drifted into sleep with a smile playing across his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for staying tuned. A bit of a shorter one this time!


	5. Part five: flying, falls and upsets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and James try to teach Remus to fly.

Part five: flying, falls and upsets

"Herm, erm erm" Remus cleared his throat at the entangled form before him. "If you hadn't quite forgotten, you and James are meant to be teaching me how to fly. And you're meant to be trying to get into the quidditch team. Remember?"  
In response half of the form stuck out an outstretched hand as if to indicate 'five more minutes'.  
"No, you were late five minutes ago and I'm glad I interrupted you before you stole this poor girl's virtue!"  
Thankfully the figure underneath Sirius didn't seem to mind too much, she giggled and rebuttoned her blouse as Sirius tucked his own shirt in. He walked off without looking back at her.

"Aren't you too young to be doing that sort of stuff? I mean how old are you?"  
"Wait its third year right, so I'm fourteen, thirteen or fourteen depending on when it is. I mean-"  
"Thirteen, fourteen in two weeks and three days. It was a rhetorical question. I know how old you are, I just think you're too young that's all. Yeesh, you're nearly fourteen. We get old so quickly"  
Sirius rolled his eyes, "Please don't get sentimental on me Reemie, I don't think my stomach can take it. And you just made my point for me, I've got to live while I'm young and can rebel against my parents. Get the fun and mischief out of my system before people start expecting me to behave."  
"Oh well I don't people would ever expect that of you."  
Sirius continued, ignoring his friend, "You should try it every once in a while, let your hair down and live a little. Anyway," he punched his friend playfully in the arm, "James is waiting for us."  
Remus elbowed Sirius in resentful response, "That's what I was saying!" to which he received a chuckle and hair ruffle, one which he could just not squirm out of.

James was already on the pitch. Equipment ready, dressed in his official quidditch robes, Nimbus 1500 in hand; two less kempt brooms on the ground at his feet.  
"Where have you two been? I mean I know I'm not the most punctual but really!"  
"I told you not to keep him waiting Remus, gawwd!" Remus's mouth gapped like a kelpie's he was incredulous; after all it was ALL Sirius's fault. Instead of arguing he release an over exaggerated, exasperated sigh.  
"Anyway," continued James "as you finally managed to pry Sirius off his most recent victim," he winked at Remus "we can begin. I thought we'd get Remus in the air first, teach him the twigs, while you stay down there Sirius, you know just in case."  
"I'm sorry when were you such an expert?" Sirius demanded.  
"Apologies, who's on the Gryffindor quidditch team?" James asked, cocking his head to the side and rotating it randomly on the axis of his neck as is if looking for someone to answer his question. Remus gasped melodramatically in response, whilst Sirius wiped away a false tear saying, "Low blow Potter, low blow. I'm. I'm not sure I'll ever feel the same again. My pride has been too grievously wounded!" he wailed off into to nonsensical drivel.  
"Oh how my heart bleeds for you Black. Now quit the act and don't give up the day job, you're not very entertaining. So all you have to do is make sure that if Remus falls you'll catch him."  
The boy in question looked around apprehensively, the slight smirk from their friendly banter now gone from his face. "Fall? Fall. Nobody said anything about falling. Oh look. That's my owl. It's probably got a reeeeallly important letter. Oh and yeah there's that essay for Binns I haven't done and-"  
"Ah ah ah, you are not getting out of this, not after so much convincing was required in the first place. Look its' only a precautionary measure, better safe than sorry. It'll be like an umbrella if you've got one it won't rain but it might if you don't have one. Plus I've never seen someone fall off a controlled broom, and especially not whilst someone's instructing them, never. It's all of ten foot off the ground, so if you do somehow manage to fall off the worst that could happen is a sprained wrist. Don't worry. Honestly you're a pair of girls the both of you!"  
"I think you'll find many real girls who would disagree" Sirius muttered under his breath while inspecting his nails.  
In one last futile attempt to escape the flying lesson Remus tried another tact, "Yes, that's right, I'd forgotten, but now you mention it, girls, time of moth, change. Yup that's it I'm about to turn into a raging werewolf best get back before it gets dark and the full moon come out."

Suddenly Sirius flipped.

"Oh for God's sake grow up Remus! We are your friends and are trying to help you and you throw it back in our face by wasting our time. I could be training now if you weren't being such a little bitch. Now hop on that broom like a good little puppy or I'll drag you on with me, then if you fall they'll be no one there to catch you. And you may just fall off the back of my broom, capisce?"  
James rolled his eyes and tried not to smirk. It certainly wasn't uncommon for Sirius to lash out verbally with almost no cause. He just hoped that Sirius hadn't provoked Remus too much, as although he didn't get angry that easily unless it was nearing a full moon, he was a lot more physical than Sirius and James knew he'd bet his money on the werewolf to win every time. And although he didn't like the idea of his friends fighting, the thought that it might be amusing whilst he hovered 20 foot off the ground out of harm's way did cross his mind. Thankfully however, it was not near a full moon and Remus humoured Sirius.  
"Sir yes Sir", he barked, bringing his hand to salute, which trembled slightly with nerves.  
"Anyway" Sirius continued in more of a lecture than a rant now, "it's in the middle of the day and you're not due for another two weeks. Trust me I know your cycle."  
Hovering off the ground James scoffed. "Okay enough with the menstrual euphemisms already!"

...

"That's right stand next to your broom, hand above it and say 'Up'"  
After a few frugal attempts where the broom quivered slightly, mimicking the commanding boys voice, Sirius intervened from down on the ground.  
"Look Remus," he said audibly so that James could hear, "bring out that inner wolf, you are the wizard. Be in control, show that broom who's boss. Look. Up!"  
The broom shot up from the ground and into his hand.  
"How funny would that have been if it hadn't worked?" Remus asked looking up at James who sniggered.  
"Now," commanded Sirius ignoring the boy floating in the air, "you try." He placed the broom back on the grass. "Go on, try."  
So Remus did.  
His voice had lost its tremble but his hand had gained one. The broom stayed put. Sighing Sirius decided he'd try a less tactful approach to evoking Remus's rough side.  
"Look!" he growled shoving Remus "you're just not trying hard enough, this isn't transfiguration you know? You can't just coast along as top of the class without putting any effort in you do actually have to try. I know that might be foreign to you. Just put some bloody effort in for once in your sorry life, I mean really it's just one bloody word."

"UP!"

Remus had turned to face Sirius, still shaking visibly but this time from anger, his free hand curled in a fist, whilst the other clutched the risen broom: knuckles white. Sirius unperturbed placed a hand on each of Remus's shoulders, speaking this time so that only the boy he was touching could hear.  
"Well done! Look I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, we all know I'm top of transfiguration." He flashed a cheeky grin. "Kidding! But at least it had the desired effect; you have to learn to come out of your shell. And if you're worried don't be. Trust us. Not that I'll ever admit it, and I'll deny it if you tell him, but James is actually a really good flyer. And I promise, promise; promise I will not let you fall, not for anything. I'll catch you. Except of course if it's between catching you and preserving my face, I mean what would I be without my stunning looks eh?" And in a way that only Sirius could, he made a sincere declaration of friendship and trust a light hearted moment.  
"Of course. We all know your face comes first." Remus smiled.  
"Well as long as we're all clear on that then they'll be no misunderstandings when I let you plummet to your death. Go on. Go fly." He inclined his head encouragingly, eyes wide. And as he removed his hands from Remus's shoulders he stopped trembling. It was as if he had taken Remus's anger and fear and replaced it with his own calm artificial exterior that he was so used to. It made Remus feel odd, like he was hiding but it also gave him a recklessness he was unused to; he wondered if this was how Sirius always felt and found himself pitying his friend.  
"Fly my precious! Fly!" he shrieked so that James could hear and Remus whooped eager to be away.  
"Finally." James couldn't feign patience anymore. "Right Sirius, so you remember the levitation spell from first year right? Easy bit of magic. Be careful with pronunciation and remember-"  
"'Swish and flick.'" All three boys chorused.  
"Yes I know." Whined Sirius, "How could I forget?"

"Right now, so the basic concepts of flying. Lean forwards to speed up, back to slow down. Point your broom up to climb and down to descend. Use your handle as a sort of axis or gearstick to direct yourself." James articulated with accompanying hand gestures but he was cut off my Sirius chuckling hysterically. One arm wrapped around his waist, the elbow of his other arm resting atop the one round his waist and his chin in turn resting on his curled up fist. He was shaking uncontrollably, his body racked with spasms from the effort of trying to control the humour bubbling up from inside him.  
"I'm sorry," he managed to force out between cackles; "you carry on."  
James eyed him suspiciously and tried his best to ignore him. "Right. Yeah so Remus, you'll have some blind spots when you're flying, these are here, here and here." He said indicating with his hands to his left and right sides and behind his head.  
Remus started shaking too.  
"I'm sorry, what's so funny?" James demanded very unimpressed.  
But Sirius was unable to answer him, eyes scrunched up and his hand had moved to rest at the bridge of his refined nose, covering his face. He shook his head and waved his hand absently, incapable of comprehensible speech. But James did catch a few words that sounded like "plane", "safety" and "airhostess". This only caused Remus to start laughing harder, releasing a snort: Sirius cackled like an old crone.  
Wiping away a tear and trying to gather himself Remus said, "You're like an airway hostess attendant thing!" He said it with such triumph as if shedding complete light on the matter but James was still none the wiser. Hovering above them he stayed plain faced.  
"A what?"  
"An airhostess." Sirius explained. "They're kind of safety supervisors on planes, you know those muggle machines that fly, and well, I'd do the hand gestures but they'd be lost on you and you're pretty good at them already! Anyway Remus how do you know what an airhostess is? I'm the one that's a muggle stalker stop stealing my thing!"  
"Well three out of my four grandparents are muggles you realise."  
"Right." James said quite bluntly, having had quite enough of a joke that he did not understand and seemed to be at his expense. "If you two are quite finished having weird muggle conversations, let's fly."

...

"Oh and by the way Remus, when you fall I'm going to do a loop of the quidditch pitch to keep warm."  
"When I fall?"  
"I meant if you fall. If. It's unlikely."

The first time Remus fell he was almost silent except from the sudden expelling of oxygen from his lungs and the whooshing of his body cutting through the air. He was too shocked to make a sound, but with a swish and flick of Sirius's wand he was levitated to a standstill and deposited safely back to the ground, where upon he showed Sirius his gratitude with a widening of his bourbon eyes.

The second time he was far more confident. Trusting in Sirius to catch him, so that whilst he was being suspended in mid air, he pulled his knees up to his chest, cocked his elbows and rested his chin on flat palms. Again he acknowledged his spotter, but this time with a poor imitation of a girl, in a high, breaking voice he shrieked "My hero!" James chuckled, slightly out of breath from his second lap before saying "Wow you're a first. I can't believe you've actually fallen off twice." The retort was sharp and rude.

Remus didn't fall again. Not straight away. Sirius lost concentration.

Three. He fell. Plummeting like an aerodynamic rock. And he carried on falling with no hardened air to cushion his fall. No wingardium leviosa. James oblivious was indispensible flying round the pitch for the third time.  
Sirius ran. Helter-skelter, nearing the place where Remus would soon impact the ground; the airborne boy could only think of his imminent death, and his mind filled with regret for all that he had yet to achieve. He was ten foot of the ground, ten foot till death. Nine foot. Eight foot. Seven, six, five, four.

A jarring impact shuddered through his body and he was sure this was his final minute. But wait, the motion had not stopped, just changed. Instead of going down he was now going sideward. Sirius had caught him! Not in the conventional way with a wand but with his arms: thus the pain Remus had felt as the two had collided. And now with the combination of his forwards momentum and the added weight of the falling boy (now in an awkward bridle position in Sirius's arms) he was still running forwards, haphazardly and leaning worryingly far forwards with most of their combined mass. He could have stopped. If he had wanted to. He could have dropped Remus and wind milled his arms to keep him upright but a) he would probably just have tripped over the boy he had just saved and b) it seemed counterproductive to drop him again after just catching him and absorbing the impact with his own body.

Now they pitched forwards; the ground tilting up to meet them as the landed in a pile on the quidditch green. They met the ground with a jarring impact, the grass doing little to soften their fall. They lay there for a few minutes both incapable of moving, in too much pain to even contemplate getting up. After an age- but still it seemed to short a time- Sirius moved so that his forearms were supporting most of his weigh with his elbows either side of Remus's head so that he took the pressure of his body off of Remus's own. The boy underneath him groaned in pain and looked up at him.

The moment changed. They stared into each other's faces, drinking in the details. The air around them seemed to thicken and a charge of attraction pulled between them. Their breathing was ragged from the fall... and something else. Something more animalistic. Both boys, unaware of the others reciprocation, had to fight so as not to lean forwards and meet in the middle. Remus was so strongly affected that he was actually forcibly pushing his head against the ground, internally chanting "No."

But he could not control himself totally. Instead of attempting to kiss Sirius, he brought his hand up to the other boys face, pushing a strand of his floppy hair aside and tucking it behind his ear, "You need a hair band." He said, not drawing his hand away, his palm resting on the side of Sirius's head whilst his thumb rubbed gently back and forth across his temple. The contact made the werewolf's breathe hitch. As if in response Sirius spoke, Remus expected his voice to be deeper and huskier than usual for some reason, but somehow it managed to be slightly squeaky and gravelly at the same time. "I meant what I said you know, I wouldn't let you fall. That I'd always catch you. Well I did and I'll continue to, no matter how hard or far the fall." And Remus knew that his best friend wasn't just talking about a literal fall, but also the internal emotional obstacles that Remus faced on a daily basis, and his heart warmed a little. This was the first time that he had begun to trust in anyone; the feeling was completely alien, but it was not unpleasant.

"Thanks. Erm if you could manage it do you think you could just roll over, my whole left sides gone numb."  
"Oh sorry." With visible effort and a groan Sirius levered himself off the other boy and flopped down so that he was laying at his side, landing with an audible thud.  
"You okay?"  
"Sure just a few bruises and aches, possibly a sprained wrist but nothing that madam Pomfrey won't be able to patch up. You?"  
"Possibly a twisted ankle."  
They lay in silence.

"Oi! You two fat lumps get up, you're not going to get any better laying there!"  
"I am not getting back on that thing. Did you miss what happened or something?" Remus asked accusingly.  
"No. You fell didn't you?"  
"Er yeah, and Sirius caught me, with his arms, not his wand." The tawny haired boy coloured slightly but James didn't notice.  
"I'm in total agreement with Remus. We aren't doing anymore. We need to go and get checked out at the hospital wing. Come on." Said Sirius, painfully and slowly moving into an all fours crouch and then progressively into an erect position, all but dragging Remus with him, who protested feebly. The two boys limped back to the castle slowly leaving James to pack away the quidditch equipment by himself.

...

"Right see you guys back in the common room, I've finished."  
"Oh me too, I'll come with you." Peter piped up to James's announcement and the two left the prep hall together.  
"You think Peters got a crush on James? He follows him around like a dog."  
"Yeah it wouldn't surprise me." Remus answered Sirius's speculation.  
"Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin, this is a prep room, not a social club. Please stop the chatter unless there is anything you would care to share?" McGonagall chided them.  
Sirius opened his mouth to retort but was cut short with a kick from his brown eyed companion, so instead he shook his head sweetly at the deputy headmistress.

A few minutes later Lily Evans arrived at the table much to Sirius's surprise.  
"How are you Lupin, I think it's ghastly that they made you fly when you didn't want to and then they got you hurt. You'll probably never want to see another broom ever again, much less sit on one. How are you feeling?" Super she had completely ignored the pureblood who tried to shrink into the nonexistent shadows.  
"I'm fine, honest. They took good care of me, I'd be in a much worse state if it hadn't been for Sirius."  
"Well, he should have been shielding you anyway!" She gave Sirius a positively rancid glare. "Wasn't that what he was meant to be doing?"  
"Yes he was, and he did. He promised he'd catch me and he did. I trust him. And James."  
Her expression softened slightly, "Well you can't half choose your friends you know. They're balmy!"  
"Yes they are, even you!" the werewolf exclaimed.  
"And yet," Sirius interjected, bored at not being part of the conversation, "he loves us all the same." This and the flamboyant wink that accompanied it evoked a grin from the redhead. "I'm sorry you know," he continued whilst he seemed to not be irritating her, "for that day on the train. I thought you were my cousin."  
"Hmph, well I suppose you're forgiven for that, I can't blame you I'd probably be the same if I had a cousin like her, but I don't know who has the worse deal, you or her. But you're not forgiven for nearly killing Lupin and for constantly harassing Severus. Leave him alone Black, he's done nothing to you." Her voice was bitter and she pointed an accusing finger at Sirius. Then turning on her heal she stalked off at a brisk march.

"Since when did that happen?" Sirius demanded.  
"What?"  
"That. You and Evens. Have you and her got a thing? And more to the point does James know? He'll literally kill you."  
"BOYS!"  
Their conversation moved onto a scrap of parchment.

A, since first year, we met in the library; thankfully she doesn't judge me on you or James. B, no we're just friends, and C, it's none of James's concern, just because he fancies her doesn't mean he owns her or has any say over who she talks to, and she practically hates the two of you for how you treat Snape.  
Snivellus deserves everything he gets.  
Why? He's actually okay, just a little up his own arse and nosy- no pun intended- I reckon he's just ignorant, I mean he can't really believe some of the stuff that he says.  
Honestly you're defending him? He and his Slytherin friends are all vile. They do believe what they say and that's the worrying thing. They honestly believe that muggleborns and other magical animals are scum. I hear one of them say that muggleborns should be sterilised the other day. Anyway if you and Evans are so pally why doesn't she call you Lupin and not Remus?  
Well the blood status thing clearly isn't true about Snape, he's only a half blood and Lily is a muggleborn and she's his best friend, he certainly doesn't go around calling her a mudblood. And that's just what Lily calls me, she thinks I have a cool surname or something; it's kinda like her nickname for me.  
Yeah I guess it is quite cool but it's not really a nickname is it, it's just your name. And how good a friend are we talking, does she know about your fury problem?  
NO!  
So you're not going to tell her? What did I say earlier about coming out of your shell?  
There's a time and a place and that is never and nowhere, plus when did anything good ever come from following your advice?! Come on lets go.

They handed in their prep books and left.

Remus purposefully chose a long route back to the Gryffindor common room. For a long while the sound of their in sync footsteps was all that could be heard.  
"Look Sirius I appreciate you encouraging me to tell Lily, but I can't. Not Lily. I'd hate for her to judge me and how can I come out of my shell, as you put it, when I am what I am?"  
Sirius sighed exasperatedly "If she judges you then she's not a proper friend and isn't worth your time. And what's that exactly, that you are?"  
"A monster. An animal. Revolting. A living nightmare."  
"No you are not! You are Remus Lupin. Cleverest in our year, half blood, kind of sensitive, due to be a prefect Remus Lupin. Don't let the wolf control you, embrace it, yes it's a part of you, but it isn't what defines you."  
"How can I? How can I when I'm scared of myself, scared of what I'll do to me? Even more scared still of what I might do to someone else. Why else do you think I shut myself up in the shrieking shack? I try and try but I just can't control it. It's consuming me. Not the wolf, I know that only comes out once a month, but the fear is encompassing, it's going to take over and get rid of me."  
"Then don't let it. It does not control you. It cannot. You're too strong for that. I know it's scary, honestly, but you're the same person. It doesn't change who you are. I just mean that you should accept it. Accept yourself for who you are. And then you'll stop being so scared of it, of yourself. Then you'll be more confident and you won't be scared of everything else and it won't affect your day to day life. It's not worth running from yourself, trust me I've tried it and it's the most exhausting thing. No one quite knows how to keep up with you or is able to find you when you hide from yourself. You Remus Lupin are a beautiful person and you are strong. You don't need to change yourself; you're perfect as you are. Do what I did and embrace the true you with open arms, life gets so much easier after that, and then, we can be fabulous together!"

Lupin, moved by Sirius's soliloquy, drifted over to a bay window and sat down, drawing his knees up to his chin and interlocked his fingers. With a trembling voice he said, "But how can I stop hating myself when everyone else hates me? I'm a monster it's just a fact. I'm a thing of myth and nightmare brought to life."  
Sirius joined Remus leaning his back against the glass, detangling the boys hands and clasping one of them tightly with his own. "You're not a monster, and please, please never think that. You are so much more than that. You can't help it but don't let it control or affect you. You only have to worry about it once a month and you can take each month at a time and as it comes, just like jumping hurdles. And if people judge you well fuck them. They're close minded judgmental arseholes as far as I'm concerned and don't deserve your time." Remus was moved to tears by the support that his friend showed the crystalline drops carving paths in the grime on his face, dirty from his earlier fall. They sat like this for a time, hands interlocked, Remus crying silently, just letting all his pent up tension out. There was no awkwardness only companionship.

After a while they heard footsteps and looked up. "Oh bloody hell, why?" Sirius cursed under his breath, approaching them was his younger brother Regulus.  
"What are you doing?" He demanded when he reached them, staring at their hands.  
"Oh how lovely it is to see you too little brother. Keeping well are we? Oh this," he lifted their hands and waved them in his brother's face, "holding hands. With another boy. Clearly. Why do you ask?"  
"It's weird that's why. I'll tell mother and farther." He threatened.  
"Oh please do!" Sirius retorted. "Because I'm clearly a deeply troubled child and a closeted fag to boot, not comforting my friend who just so happens to be crying. And I'm sure they definitely need another reason to hate me, the lists not quite long enough yet, so you know what you go ahead! Why are you here anyway, I thought we had an unspoken agreement that you don't speak to me at school. Go away." He commanded voice deadpan.  
"No, if I don't talk to you here I never talk to you, you only come home at summer and we don't speak then anyway."  
"And whose fault is that? You can talk to me all you want, they'd never chastise poor little Regulus. I'd just get the blame and an earful, but don't worry I'm used to it. The truth is you could talk to me all you want, you just don't want."  
"That's not fair. I'm just trying to be kind. It's easier to keep the peace at home and now that Andromeda has left I thought you might be lonely."  
"Well as you can see I'm not!" he practically shouted brandishing his and Remus's still interlocked hands with some force. "And I do not want your bloody pity. Just fuck off back to that slimy rock of a common room from whence you came and talk about blood superiority or whatever it is you do. Go on. Fuck off. GO!" and with no further prompting he did.

Sirius was shaking. Remus squeezed his hand tightly, the gesture was meant to be reassuring but Sirius pulled away sharply and Remus felt like he had just been slapped.  
"Please leave Remus. I just really need to vent my anger and I don't want you to see me do it."  
Remus's heart constricted a little, just as it had when Sirius had said 'closeted fag', though he didn't know why.  
"Why not? We're friends and I've shared so much with you. It's a two way thing you know."  
"You don't get it, I'm always so put together and contained when I'm with you, well with everyone really, James is the only person who has seen me angry, seen me lose it. Please just go." He was still shaking and his hands were tight fists, nails biting into the flesh on his palms.

Remus said no more. Bending down he untied the laces of one of his shoes and muttered an incantation.  
"What are you doing?" Sirius demanded staring at the punching bag which had just been transfigured from Remus's shoe and was being suspended mid air in front of him with magic.  
"Look you've been there a lot for me recently, so now I'm being here for you. Go on hit it."  
"No." Sirius was adamant. "I'm not letting you see me like this; I hate myself when I lose it. It's the same as watching you transform. I might hurt you."  
Remus was stubborn. "It's nothing like the same, a) you won't be able to hurt me as badly as I could hurt you, b) if you do manage to hurt me it can be healed with magic, trust me mine can't, I have to prove it, c) you can't turn me into what you are, I can do that, and d) I am going to let you see me change. For some stupid reason I'm allowing all my friends to risk their lives and break the law by learning to become Animagi. And I know that you'll just say I couldn't stop you if I wanted to but you can't stop me now, so, right, rant over." His eyes were hard; mouth a thin line.

"Fine." Sirius snapped. "But a few ground rules first, well only on really. Do not come near me or try and intervene before I say you can. Promise?"  
With a nod of his head Remus acknowledged his consent.

Twack! Sirius hit the bag and then flexed his hand. God it was good to let go after such a long time. He assumed a stance: weight on the balls of his feet, leaning forwards slightly, and started to continually hit the bag. To start with his punches were controlled; measures, but as time went on they lost their precision, becoming hits of utter violence and aggression as Sirius poured his soul into them. All the anguish, worry, hurt and pain of being named as an outcast by his family, the ones who were meant to love and look after him, the worrying about his health, classes and friends, especially Remus who he now had to add to his own worries and troubles. His punches became sloppy, lethargic, until he wrapped his arms around the bag and began to sob.

"Sirius!" Remus tried to advance to comfort his friend but Sirius just shouted at him, telling him to get back; leave him alone, after all this was just part of Sirius losing it, even if Remus didn't know it. And something prevented the tawny haired boy from coming closer, it was either the promise which he had made or the harsh tone in which his friend had spoken.

Eventually Sirius allowed Remus to approach him with a scratchy "I'm done." As he hastily wiped away the remaining tears as the other boy neared him. The latter draped his arm around Sirius and tried to look up into the depths of his face.  
"Thanks, I needed that, I feel much better now!" and he returned Remus's sign of affection with a brotherly hug and a slap on the back.

Running his hand through his wavy black rocker hair and straightening his tie all his usual carefully crafted masks slipped back into place as if they had never been absent.  
"Come on, let's get back to the common room, James and Peter will be wondering where we are. No doubt thinking you're in the library and I've got my hand down some girls top. They'll be shocked when they find out I've been with a boy this whole time. Incredulous!"  
As they meandered back Remus's heart sank. In the last couple of days Sirius had been so... so emotional, but in a good way, he had seemed more human than his usual demigod demure which he attached to match his physical image. Remus had a feeling that he wouldn't be seeing this new sensitive Sirius for and a while and it was a shame. He rather liked him and was sure he would be missed.


	6. Part six: ideas, transformations and tensions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of the marauders! The boys come up with the idea of the map and try to become animagi.

Part six: ideas, transformations and tensions

Sirius stretched his gangly limbs out from the armchair that he occupied so as to be closer to the heat the common room fire was emitting, yawning exaggeratedly as he did so.  
"Guys, gather round." He demanded, "I've had another one of my brilliant ideas.  
"Oh dear we all know where these lead." Peter scoffed.  
"Shut up! I'm being serious this time; it's honestly a genuinely good idea."  
James as usual backed Sirius up. "Come on guys lets actually give Sirius a break for once and hear what he has to say."  
"Thank you." And with a wave of his wand and a muffliato the air encompassing the four friends became silent and all anyone else in the common room would hear if they tried to listen would be a dull buzz.  
"Oh this is actually serious. What's wrong?" the young werewolf among them enquired.  
"Yes it really is." And with a sigh he launched into the thoughts he had been contemplating since he and Remus had returned to the red and gold tower.

...

"Right, let me get this straight, you think we should make a map of Hogwarts with all the secret tunnels and everything, but have it password protected so that only we can use it?" Even as James said it Sirius realised how unrealistic it sounded but he nodded, eager that his vision could be seen.  
"Yup and it'd be enchanted so that we can see everyone on it, where they're moving, and who they really are. So if McGonagall's was pretending to be a seemingly innocent cat, the map would still show us that it was her. Or if a vile Slytherin took pollyjuice potion and was posing as one of us to try and dig up dirt the map would still show us who it was who had taken the pollyjuice potion."  
"So apart from the fact you want to try and achieve the impossible, what's the point?"  
"Well I'm glad you asked that my dear friend Peter." He said annunciating slowly, placing himself just beside the plump boys shoulder as if mimicking his conscience. "I admit, it won't be easy, but we have Lupin, and secondly it's for Lupin." He explained as if that made it clear to all.  
"Sorry," James enquired, "but why are you calling Remus by his surname?"  
Sirius sighed. "I just propose the most brilliant idea in the history of forever and you're bothered what I'm calling Remus? Well, since a friend of his made me realise how very cool his surname is. I mean Lupin, come on!"  
"Which friend?" The undertone of James's voice saying he had no knowledge or Remus's other friends.  
"Oh it was..." The murderous look on Remus's face told him that he shouldn't reveal the friendship between James's crush and one of his best friends. "Oh I dunno, just some random nerd. But isn't it cool though?"  
"The map or Lupin?"  
"The map Peter the map!"  
"Ok, I'm sorry to be a buzz kill or whatever. But that's impossible. It would take years for a skilled magician to be able to make something like that. And how would such a thing benefit me? I'm not being the scapegoat for one of your harebrained schemes. Not to mention that if we managed to make anything even similar to what you suggested, if, the trouble that we would get in would be in if it got found and traced back to us would be immense. I know I'm going off on one, but one of us has to be grounded and keep a check on reality."  
"Oh, dear Remus."  
"Please stop being so flamboyant," James begged, "You're giving me a headache."  
"Anyway, to answer your question Remus, I thought that when we've all finally mastered being Animagi it would be totally useful for keeping you safe and sneaking out of the castle and keeping you safe. And sneaking. Pwease?" He knelt down clutching his hands together as if in prayer. The tawny haired boy's heart twinged a bit from the love and that his friends clearly felt for him and the levels which they were willing to travel to.  
"Fine!" he exclaimed exasperatedly. "But only if James and Peter fully agree too, I'm not having you pull them half heartedly into another one of your mad schemes only for it to go wrong. Frankly I haven't the time to keep clearing up after you. Then again if I'm helping it shouldn't fail."  
"Modest as always." Muttered Peter under his breath as Remus continued.  
"Then again, if anything goes wrong, I'll change my mind at the drop of a hat. You know I'm uneasy about you being Animagi in the first place, and not just because it's illegal or I could hurt one of you. Merlin only knows the reason I've agreed is because I'd have a hard time stopping you."  
"Hard time? Try impossible."  
"Yeah you wouldn't be able to stop us no matter what."  
"Go on then, try me. Call my bluff." A little bit more aggressive than he intended: Remus was getting worked up.  
"Go on then, who?" James, stubborn as always.  
"Dumbledore. McGonagall."  
"Oh you wouldn't!" Exclaimed Peter.  
"Oh but I would. You half-wits are practically my only friends, and if you're risking yourselves for me and something went wrong, well imagine how I'd feel. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I love you guys. As friends obviously." He added hastily.  
"Right," Sirius interjected after a suitably long awkward pause "when do we begin?"

...

Suddenly James lost all his relaxed demure.  
"What are you trying to tell me? You've made progress! I've been so busy with class and Lily and quidditch that I haven't gotten any further than figuring out what animal I am yet. Well I haven't even done that yet, something big and a mammal, but a herbivore, like an elk, or a moose or something? That's it!"  
"Busy not with Lily, I think." Sirius said so that only Remus could hear, causing a sputter of laughter, which in turn resulted in another outburst from James.  
"It's not funny! Look I can't even-"  
But his sentence was cut short by Peter moving at barrelling speed into him. James started thrashing, trying to kick off the relatively hefty boy, but Peter was too quick.  
"Immobulus! Look, calm down, if you start trying to sprout antlers left, right and centre, the other occupants of the common room are going to get a tad worried. Now calm down."  
Even though Peter was clearly talking sense, it took the three boys a while to calm the chaser down, then, and only then, did Peter release him from both his weight and the incantation.  
"Now let's be sensible and go to our dormitory and practise, we shouldn't be observed there.

...

Remus was propped up on a stack of pillows on his bed, still trying to concentrate on the large novel cradled in his knees, but he was finding doing so increasingly hard. Sirius lay across the bottom of his bed: legs and head dangling over opposite ends, playing with a tassel from the werewolf's bed spread.  
"You know Lupin," a smug grin could be heard in his voice, "your face is much improved upside down."  
"Oh shut up." The boy replied, swatting his friend with one of his numerous cushions. "Anyway, get up. You're meant to be practising too, are you not?"  
Sirius took his friend hint, arched his back and sprang off the bed with the lithe agility of a cat, which suited his dark handsome features, to join a bickering Peter and James.

"Oi, Pettigrew, Potter, what seems to be the problem here?"  
"Him!" James whined, "He's been practising for ages and is probably really good, it's not fair!"  
"God stop whining. He can practise all he wants; he won't be able to help Remus until we can all do it anyway. Plus this is Peter we're talking about, no offense but you've never been the best at transfiguration. Come on, show us then!" the pureblood demanded.  
"No! You do it. The only reason you want me to go first us so you can laugh at my expense because you always think I'm no good at anything. You're both so self conscious that you need me to make a prat out of myself, so that you can feel good about yourselves, that's just sad!" proclaimed Peter, slumping onto the bottom of his bed and crossing his arms and legs in protest.  
"Oh for God's sake you're such a diva Peter. I don't know who's worse, you or James. Look!" Speaking the incantation Sirius transformed. Well he seemed to grow a little larger and that was it. Remus who had been looking on studiously found this hilarious and couldn't contain himself. James was also shaking with silent cackles, but Peter was stony eyed and impassive.  
"I'm sorry Sirius, but what exactly was it you were going for there?"  
The boy in question 'retransformed', sticking a finger up to Remus in answer. Slouching to the floor he let out a sigh.  
"Humph. I was going for a big dog or cat. Maybe like a panther. Whatever I am, I'm black. Black by name, black by nature." James groaned at his best friend. "Shut up that was pick up line gold, tell a girl something like that and they think you're all deep and emotional. They love it. Anyway I'd like to see you do better."

James raised his eyebrows, accepting the challenge. Muttering the spell he waited expectantly.  
"You know you actually have to concentrate right? Picture your inner animal. It doesn't just happen like in charms, it's like transfiguration, only even more complex." The werewolf among them explained matter of factly.  
"Yes thank you Remus." James said in a clipped voice. He tried again; this time he was more successful, small bumps appeared on his head. This caused Sirius to practically cry, scrunching his face up in laughter. He tried to speak between breaths.  
"You're- worse-than-me. They're-not-not-not-even- proper antlers." He looked like he wanted to say something else but faltered out as the humour of the situation overtook him. Instead of being pissed off, James found it equally hilarious and joined Sirius on the carpet, rolling about uncontrollably, clutching their stomachs from the pain of too much laughter, tears obscuring their vision. Every time one of them managed to stop they were set off again by the other.

Eventually they subsided into the odd sobbing chuckle and sat up, wiping their streaming eyes.  
"You were worse than Peter would've been." The floppy haired wizard accused. "Come on Peter, show us now that you've seen our attempts, even you can't be as bad as James. Peter?"  
Looking up neither boy could see their friend. He had disappeared. They turned questioningly to the intellect among them, sitting there, calmly watching them.  
"Fuck Remus what the hell is that doing on your shoulder?" Shouted Sirius who lurched to standing and flung himself to the safety of his four poster.  
"What, are you scared of rats Black?"  
"Shut up! Just don't come near me ok?"  
"Now who's being a diva? He has a point though Remus, why do you have a rat on your shoulder?"  
"Because this," Remus replied, stroking the animal affectionately "is our dear friend Peter Pettigrew."

James's face was incredulous, pure and utter shock and disbelief. Sirius however was envy and jealousy, almost spiteful.  
"Fuck that! I'm the cleverest out of us three and Peter's by far the thickest. I mean look at him, he's an ugly, fat, useless lump!" he burst out.  
The rat on Remus's shoulder leapt to the ground and mid jump transformed back into human form, walked over to his bed and sat down cross-legged, watching silently.  
"Sirius." Said James softly. "Don't be so cruel, we should congratulate Peter. You don't mean it do you. You're like me, just jealous that we didn't do it first. Come on. We're sorry for doubting you Peter. Aren't we Sirius?"  
The question hung thick in the air for an agonising moment until a gruff bark of what the boys assumed was apology came from the purebloods direction.

"You know," volunteered Remus "I don't think you give Peter acknowledgment for how extraordinary he is."  
"Calm down Remus it'll go to his head."  
"Says the famous Gryffindor Chaser!" and judging by his retort they knew his black mood from his namesake had passed.  
"Anyway," chipped in Peter "I think I'm a fair bit more ordinary than extra. I'm really tired after that, so I'm going to get some sleep, but you boys keep practising." He shared a private wink with Remus before retiring for the night. James and Sirius would find out soon enough that Remus had transfigured Peter, and that he was no better than them soon enough, but now was not the time with tensions so high. They'd be able to laugh about it in the future.

While Remus and Peter slept the two purebloods stayed up till the small hours, trying and failing, to become full Animagi. Little did they know that the first of them wouldn't be able to complete this fete till their fifth year.


	7. Part seven: sharing, sex and comradeship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius shares a problem with Remus.

Part seven: sharing, sex and comradeship

The now lanky boy stretched silently and leant against his four poster bed, contemplating if he should really tell someone or not. Was it that important after all? After a moment he moved – clearly he had decided it was – a dark figure against the already black night. He lent over another bed and shook the occupant quietly but firmly, trying to rouse him.  
"Remus, Remus wake up, please it's important. Lupin." He whined the last name, and was eventually rewarded with a half hearted, weak wristed slap.  
"Go away Sirius, no one-" he yawned and opened and closed his mouth noisily, smacking his tongue and rolled over in ignorance.  
"Remus!" Sirius practically jumped on top of him.  
"I told you to fuck off Black; no one cares about your latest girl hunt. Go!" but the raven haired boy sat stubbornly on his bed. Remus realised that his friend wasn't being his usual playful, lovable, irritating self. Well he was still irritating but he was in one if those rare mind sets where he was being genuinely sober about something.  
"Welcome to the real world." Remus muttered under his breath.

The boy tried to hoist himself up into a sitting position, but after mustering the mental capability he found he could not physically – his friend had pinned his legs down upon jumping on the bed and it didn't look like he would move anytime soon. With a sigh the tawny head propped himself up on his elbows.  
"Whatever it is Black it better be good, you know very well that I need my sleep, even more than most teenage boys. And trust me, at this point if I could transform at will, I would rip your head off to get some shut-eye. So spill and hurry up about it."  
The beds visitor nodded earnestly and looked about himself shiftily, leaning over to draw the drapes and muttered a muffiliato.

Remus managed to pull himself from under Sirius's considerable weight; sat ramrod straight and cross-legged. All traces of sleep were gone, well all except for the perpetual haggard fatigued look that he always carried due to his monthly transformations.  
"Sirius what's wrong? You're being genuine aren't you?"  
The other boy nodded slowly then sat lips parted for some time before answering.  
"I don't know what to do. I've been so stupid and I just need a friend – a wise friend. You won't judge me like James and you know so much. I really need to see Madam Pomfrey tomorrow, and I want someone with me. Will you come? Why was I so stupid Remus?" he faltered out and started sobbing silently. Remus overcome with a deep paternal instinct wanted nothing more than to envelope his friend in his long arms. So he did.

...

Eventually Sirius woke up. It was dingy behind Remus's curtains but he knew that didn't mean it was early. It was a Saturday so no school and his body only woke up when he was ready at weekends. He fought the urge to stretch languidly like a cat; he had been cramped up in a tiny space all night and was painfully stiff this morning. Lupin had fallen asleep not long after consoling his friend, arms still around him as he was too tired to move. Sirius had pushed him off gently and curled up at the foot of the bed, his own arms replacing his friends. He had told himself that he would leave in a minute; he just hadn't wanted to be alone, but eventually sleep claimed him too and here he was – squashed and cramped against the footboard of a werewolf's bed!

He daren't move or shift in case he roused Remus. The moment was too calm and peaceful to be broken and while it was quiet he could pretend that everything was okay. So seldom was life quiet, he was either being cocky and mischievous with James or playful and flirty with the girls and it was them that had gotten him into this trouble. Even when he was alone his thoughts were loud and chaotic, full of the loathing that his mother felt for him, the strenuous relationship he had with his father. His venomous cousin. And his brother who deep down he loved dearly, but he was worried how easily Regulus accepted the Black's family values and the two boys could hardly even acknowledge each other at school or home. Yet even in all this was Andromeda, she had left last year, working hard so that she finished her educating in her sixth year and taking her N.E. a year early. She was now engaged to Ted Tonks a Hufflepuff muggleborn, the family were delighted! Since her departure and disownment from the family Sirius's relationship with the rest of his relatives had deteriorated and he wouldn't have been too surprised if he followed suit with Andromeda soon. The two of them still stayed in contact though and sent owls to each other two or three times a week.

Now though was complete tranquillity. Maybe it was the fact that everyone else had left for breakfast or quidditch or what have you and that the only other occupant was still asleep: he was truly alone. Yet maybe it was the prone figure himself. Remus and Sirius had become friends quickly, partially due to James and partially due to the fact that they were both outcast of a sort, and although they weren't as close as James and Sirius they definitely had a bond. Remus was more tolerant than most and had taken time to get to know the vulnerable side of Sirius that was hidden so well. Sirius could be, well, serious when he was with Remus. And the werewolf acted like a parent to all of them. He chided them for being foolish children, helped them with their work and even sometimes offered worldly advice, guidance and encouragement. This was especially important to Sirius who had never received this from his family whereas James and Peter had parents who were not only understanding but doting. In a sense Remus had been his role model in the way that his father should have been: helping to enhance the Gryffindor qualities that Sirius already possessed and shaping him into a decent human, so unlike a typical Black. "Merlin only knows how screwed up I'd have been without Remus." He thought.

And Sirius was now convinced that the calm and nirvana he had found was due to Remus. His incredible friend, who every single day had to overcome battles that lesser wizards wouldn't be able to handle in a life time, but he never batted an eyelid, he just accepted it all as if it was his burden to undertake alone. And never did he complain (except for when he was sleep deprived and fatigued). Remus. And he always had a wise word, a cautionary warning, a kind gesture. He didn't judge a book by its cover, he always had time for anyone and everyone and seldom said a harsh word, and even then it was to such a lesser degree than his comrades. And he took nothing for granted, he saw his acceptance and friendship with the other three marauders and Lily as a blessing he had been gifted, and he cherished it. Cherished all of them. Whilst doing all this he managed to maintain brilliant grades, score house points and remain overall the cleverest wizard in their year. He never questioned why him, not once, well not verbally and apart from his constant tiredness and self inflicted injuries- which he passed off as clumsiness- he was a facade of perfection. Perfect yes that was the right word. This filled Sirius with so much hope. If his friend could cope with all that then he could deal with much less, especially with the help of that perfect person. Sirius was convinced that it would all turn out okay in the end and no doubt he'd learn a great deal from his friend in the process.

Sirius was overcome with complete comradeship for the boy that lay before him sleeping soundly. In slumber gone were the slight frown marks that Sirius only now noticed because of their absence. But sleep, no matter how much, never seemed to erase the dark smudges under his eyes. Sirius studied his friends face. The tawny blonde hair, the pale honey skin, straight eyebrows, thick blonde eyelashes, long nose, thin lips and pointed chin. Realisation hit Sirius that Remus was actually quite attractive, and topped with his academic prowess and kind heart he was a keeper. So why had he never had a girlfriend? But what amazed Sirius most was that regardless of how often Remus marred himself in his transformations he had never diminished his face. Apart from the signs of lack of sleep the skin on his face was flawless and Sirius found he was thankful for this.

Sirius did not know how long he lay like that; uncomfortable and cramped, staring at his friends face, but at some point the features changed and from behind the tick lashes appeared a pair of caramel brown eyes. Eyes whose brightness was rarely doused by the life they had to bear witness to, but full of wisdom and courage beyond their fourteen years. Being turned into a werewolf had forced him to mature quickly to protect himself from others and the world that they lived in.

They lay for a while, two friends staring into each other's eyes, both unwilling to move so they didn't have to acknowledge how awkward the situation was. But Sirius's skin began to crawl horridly like goose bumps, raised hair and charged air. It was too intense. Too weird.

Unable to stand it anymore Sirius stretched uncomfortably, his legs and shoulders dangling off the bed.  
"'bout bloody time Moony, I didn't want to wake you in case you bit my head off from lack of beauty sleep, but I wasn't half dying of cramp you know." Remus arched an eyebrow.  
"Well it was your own fault as usual. This is a bit odd." He commented, changing topic. "I didn't think the first time I woke up in bed with someone it would be another guy."  
His friend chuckled then paused. "Wait, you've never been in bed with anyone? Not once? Really?" He got a bemused head shake in return. "Why not? I mean I know you've never had a girlfriend, but you've never even gotten off with a girl? Not even a kiss? What's wrong with you?" The shape shifter sighed.  
"We're not like you, none of us. James has had a crush on Lily since first year, Peter's drooling over some Hufflepuff and me, well I would only do something with someone if I had an emotional connection with them. Plus the only girl I'm friends with is Lily, I would never, could never, do that to James and she's more like a sister to me anyway. But I want it all one day: to fall blissfully in love, get married, have children- tons of children, a huge family..." he trailed off, his face falling and the grin dropping like a landslide from his face. "But who could ever love a monster." It was said so quietly, a caress of winter wind, and Sirius knew he wasn't meant to have heard it, so he pretended he hadn't, after all, ignorance was bliss.

"That's the difference between us and you. Your rockeresque attitude to girls means that you can separate the emotional from the physical. I know it sounds queer, but I'd want more than that. I'd want a relationship."  
The pureblood nodded sombrely. "Right. But you're still going to come to the hospital wing with me aren't you?"  
"Yes. Yes I said I would didn't I? Though I'm still miffed you won't tell me what's wrong. Hurry up then, the sooner you get off my bed the sooner I can get dressed and we can leave. Black! Go!"

...

After his usual morning shower- which he refused to forgo on the grounds that it was the only thing that made him awake enough to face the day- Remus was ready to escort his friend to the hospital wing instead of going for his own reason for once.  
"Seeing as you're being all secretive and not telling me what it's about, I guess you don't want other people to know, so I can take you a back way where we'll be less likely to be seen."  
Sirius followed without a word as the werewolf led him down a warren of corridors, over false steps, through tapestries and eventually from behind a suit of armour further up the corridor from the lair of Madam Pomfrey. Sirius was glad that Remus hadn't used the words 'short cut' as that would have been entirely false of the convoluted route they had taken to reach their destination. But it had served its purpose; they had encountered no one, not even Peeves or Mrs. Norris.  
"How do you even know all those passageways and things?" Sirius asked slightly out of breath, proving that he was both more unfit than his companion and more so then he would like to admit.  
"Oh I don't know," Remus drawled "maybe it has something to do with the fact that once a month I traverse from Gryffindor tower to here and that once a month I skulk back- maybe." Sirius gave him a playful withering look but it slid off his face like butter from a warm plate when he saw the doors of the infirmary.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong before we go in?" Remus asked gently. Sirius shook his head slightly in response and received a comforting squeeze on the shoulder and the promise that it would be alright.

Madam Pomfrey did not approach them as soon as they entered the ward, instead finishing off what she was doing, her six sense telling her that immediate assistance wasn't required. When she finally left her small office her face lit up.  
"Oh Mr. Lupin how are you? Are you here to have that check up on your leg? You did yourself a nasty mischief last time!" she talked at nineteen to the dozen; Sirius had never seen her like this before, she was often clinical, impatient and aloof, shooing off patients as soon as they passed her satisfaction. Remus however was used to seeing the nurse like this; one may almost have gone as far as to say they were friends.

Madam Pomfrey was in her early thirties and had been working at Hogwarts for twelve years, and would probably continue to do so well in to her hundreds. As it was, she was nothing like the persona he had adopted to cope with patients: but having a friendly relationship with her wards soon became impossible for the young attractive nurse. Being at a school full of adolescent males she often received both abuse and other friendlier attention, and unlike most witches she welcomed age to make her ugly and gain her respect. Though in those twelve years she had found her own and established herself as a competent healer, muchly reducing the problem of improper advances from students. Remus, however, was an exception. She allowed herself to have a friendship with him as he was the ideal patient: polite, interested, fascinating, uncomplaining and wise beyond his years. The only problem that he posed was his tendency to down play his injuries and he had to practically be forced to have checkups on his ailments.

"Hey Poppy." He glanced at Sirius realising he had just called the nurse by her maiden name but neither of them seemed too fazed so he continued. "I'm actually here with a friend, for moral support I think. About his – well I don't know what it's about actually." He stated staring at Sirius expectantly but it was Madam Pomfrey who spoke next.  
"Ah Sirius Black, you still haven't managed to make it onto the Gryffindor quidditch team yet, so it can't be an injury from that, and anyway Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff are playing today, being such it's a good thing you saw me now before the match starts or I may not have been able to move from melodramatic sport players.  
"What?" Sirius shouted in protest, "There's a quidditch match now? Why didn't you say?" he shot at Moony accusingly.  
"Well I assumed you knew, anyway you've been far too hysterical for a proper conversation and I still don't know what about. Plus no one's going to miss you. I've only ever been to the Gryffindor matched and a few Ravenclaw ones and you've never noticed me not being there have you?" The werewolf replied.  
"I've never missed a quidditch match." The pureblood said simply but his face was full of melancholy as if he had let himself down. Remus was about to try and say something consoling when Madam Pomfrey butted in.  
"As touching as this is and as much as I'm sure you grieve for your loss, would it please be possible to cut to the chase. I do have other things to do except council hypochondriac children." She punctuated her rant with a sickeningly sweet smile which made Remus grin; he knew she would have been the perfect example of decorum had he not been present. "Well then?"

Sirius found the edge of a bed and sat down, staring at his feet. He took a large gulp and began to mumble incoherently.  
"I'm afraid you'll have to speak up Mr. Black, I cannot hear you. Now we haven't got all day." Another mumble, but then he cleared his throat and started for a third time; he was still mumbling, speaking as quietly as a spring drizzle, but if one strain his ears you could just about hear him.  
"I'm in some really bad trouble. I didn't mean to. I mean how do you stop it? And now she might be pregnant, and my parents already hate me and what if she does have a baby?"  
"Wait what?!" Remus said, a lot louder than he had intended, it was clear his friend was highly distressed, but he didn't seem to care or have any brain to mouth filter. "Pregnant? Baby? You mean you've had sex? You're not a virgin? For God's sake what were you thinking! The odd fondle, ok, but sex! You're bloody thirteen. Thirteen!"  
"Ok Mr Lupin." Intersected the nurse, now 100% business-like, not caring about the friendship she had with Remus but about her patient. "That's quite enough and I really don't think you're helping. Mr Black is clearly feeling bad enough as it is without you adding your own input.  
"Now Mr Black I can understand how this must be distressing, but please, it is important you tell me who the young lady was."  
"Fourteen. I'm fourteen," he croaked "not thirteen." At this, Remus who had been glaring daggers, gave an exasperated "Urgh" and stormed from the ward. Madame Pomfrey rolled her eyes and looked at Sirius pointedly, but not unkindly.  
"Louise Sniper." He stated blandly.  
"Well Mr Black, fortunately for you Miss Sniper came and saw me this morning and had a check up and I believe you'll be relieved to know that she is, in fact, not pregnant."  
Sirius wanted to relax but he couldn't; he was too tense and instead sat there shaking, trying not to start crying hysterically, though he knew no valid reason for why he wanted to.  
"Now Mr Black, if it's ok with you I'd like to quickly examine you, to make sure you haven't caught anything from unprotected sex as Miss Sniper has had sex previously. Then I will teach you an appropriate protection charm so that in the future you are prepared. It is not really expected for you to have sexual relations so early, in fact I believe the muggle age for consent is sixteen, but obviously that's not always the case. Don't worry, I'm not angry and I shan't tell anyone. I think it's important to prepares young people for the eventualities of life, as you can't prevent them from doing what they want. Ok?"  
Sirius let her words wash over him in a clinical flood and simply nodded numbly when appropriate, not paying much attention.

After a rather awkward 'check up', which involved far less spells and far more removal of clothing than Sirius had expected, Madame Pomfrey finally taught him the charm. She made him practise it several times until she was satisfied with the pronunciation. His trip was made slightly less painful due to her warm yet business-like approach and she lacked the disapproval he had been expecting. After she had assured Sirius several times that she would tell no one he managed to find the strength to get off the bed but found his legs shaky and tears still threatened his eyes. He wasn't looking forwards to the forwards to the lonely commute back to the Gryffindor tower and as if in answer Remus was loitering outside.  
"Come on. If we hurry we'll catch the end of lunch; if not I'm going down to the kitchen- I'm starving."  
Sirius's jaw hung open slightly. Not only was he astounded that Remus was even there after his previous outburst, but he was acting as if it had never taken place. Sirius found he was grateful of Remus's pretend ignorance.

Entering the great hall they saw that the late lunch for the quidditch players and spectators had already been set out. Remus slipped onto the end bench and took a bagel, looking at Sirius pointedly as he didn't follow straight away. They ate in silence which oddly put Sirius at ease. Eventually the quidditch fans began to trickle in, breaking the soothing silence. The boys were soon joined by the rest of their quartet.  
"How did you get back before us?" James asked Sirius but continued without waiting for a response. "170, 50 to Hufflepuff. I really didn't think they'd be much of a fight but I think we might be up for a fair battle! But considering today was only a friendly it was savage. Arnold's dive nearly knocked Ian's block off!" The pureblood continued to ramble on oblivious to the fact that the other boys had no idea what he was on about as they hadn't attended the match. Peter was slightly less absorbed than James and shot a questioning look at Sirius but dropped it when Remus shook his head slightly.

After the boys had finished lunch they started ambling back to the common room together in contented silence. As they were just about to walk up to the third floor Remus spoke up, "Oh I just remembered I left some papers in the library that I need to get. Probably some books too."  
James grinned. "Poor old Moony," he said trying out the new nickname, he found it fell nicely off his tongue, "always working so hard for the benefit of others. Such a martyr!" He goaded cheekily.  
"Less of the stick Potter or I won't help you with your charms essay and then we'll see if Professor Flitwick really does love you as much as you claim." Tossing a smile over his shoulder he wandered off to his sanctuary.

He arrived at the library and headed straight for what was considered his room. The library was made up of many floors; several galleries peered over at the main room where the general books, Madame Prince's desk and most work tables were situated. To the west side of the room the gallery sides were substantially deeper, but got progressively smaller as the levels increased due to the slope that Hogwarts had been built on. This created antechambers. Seldom did students venture from the main scholarly room- often only using it to borrow and return books. But Remus spent many an hour in the library and thus needed to find the perfect work environment. One of these antechambers on the first floor was such a place. His sanctum. As the library formed a small corridor a short flight of stairs appeared at the end. At the top the corridor turned to the left. Continuing down another walkway of the gallery you entered Remus's room. They weren't corridors or rooms per say, but the divided structure created by the vast bookcases that segmented the large antechamber in to passageways and Remus's room.

Two of the walls were actual external walls of the building with a high ceiling above. The windows were large but started a fair way up the walls: allowing light in but not allowing the occupant to daydream or be distracted by the outside world. The other two walls were made of tall towering bookcases which were double sided, they were so tall that only a foot remained between them and the ceiling. Behind one of the bookcases continued the walkway and the railing of the gallery. Behind the other rows and rows of bookcases stood perpendicular to the one creating the wall. Within the room files of desks and chairs outlined the stone walls and in the middle sat a vast oak desk with green leather inlay on its top. It was in fact so large that even Remus, the gangly youth with arms too long for his body, had to stand on tiptoe and lean right over to reach something on the other side. It was roughly 6ft wide and 12ft long with a suitably large chair to match, with a green velvet seat and back and wide carving arms. Perfect for working; yet not too comfy for a Sunday afternoon read whilst it was raining.

It was an unspoken rule within the marauders (the self titled name the boys had given themselves) that this was Remus's own private area. Within reason they could wreck as much havoc and create as much noise as they wanted in the common room and dorm as long as Remus had his own quiet space which was undisturbed. All three boys respected this and appreciated that he was entitled to it for putting up with them and all their gimmicks. In fact the boys seldom ventured here and when they did never all at once; announcing their presence before entering the room so that the werewolf had time to protest.

Remus now stood over his gigantic desk, staring at it and waiting for Sirius who he knew had followed him: he had heard the pureblood make some excuse about seeing McGonagall about essay feedback, that to Remus had sounded pretty feeble, as he knew Sirius was the kind of boy who wasted his natural talent and had never asked for essay feedback in his life. He would've been outstanding if he pushed himself. If.  
"Hey." Sirius said at the end of the corridor before coming into the room. As he entered he looked around. "Oh you've changed it in here." And Remus had. He had cleaned the upper most windows to let more light in, but left the lower ones so that setting sun wouldn't glare in the winter. On the corner of the desk an arrangement of books and textbooks were propped up by two ends of a marble centaur bookstands. An astronomy globe stood on the other end under a tall enamel desk lamp. A tin box stood in front of the globe, containing spare quills and several bottled of ink, whilst a large bottle containing black stood beside it. Papers and scrolls littered the main body of the table, but despite their messiness they seemed to be in some order. And elsewhere around the room were other signs of Remus's occupation. He had produced a large plump armchair from somewhere that although threadbare looked comfortable. This was accompanied by a footstall and knee high coffee table - a book open spine up on its surface. The chair itself had a lumpy woollen blanket thrown over the back and a thin fleece one draped over the arm. The surrounding shelves held spare rolls of parchment, a teapot and caddie, postcards from his parents, a mini grammar phone, novels and an array of other bric-a-brac.

Sirius couldn't help but smile slightly, causing Remus to ask, "What?" defensively.  
"Nothing, it's just this room is so you and I can see you being happy here. Shutting yourself off for hours and forgetting that the rest of the world exists."  
This caused Remus to smile slightly too, knowing that his friend understood him so well.

Knowing that Sirius would want to talk Remus motioned to the armchair which the raven haired boy took. He then levitated the footstool further away from the lounger so that he wasn't sitting right under his friends face. There he sat opposite the pureblood, not wanting to be the first to speak and eventually Sirius broke the silence.  
"Thank you for coming with me. And for not telling James and Peter. I mean I know we're all friends and we don't really have any secrets but I'm not ready for people to know. Not yet. I'll probably tell them eventually. In a few years time I'm sure we'll be able to look back and laugh about this. I hope so anyway. But until then..." he rambled off, looking at Remus for confirmation that he understood.  
"They're not people." Remus replied. "They're your friends, and if they don't judge me and what I am then they won't think twice about you." He saw the worried look on his friends face and continued hastily. "But I'm also your friend and I'm not going to do anything that you're not ready for and that'll make you uncomfortable. I do worry about the reasons for your actions- and it's not just because you're a teenage boy so don't try that one- but I know you'll talk to me when you need. James is clueless, so he won't hassle you as long as you're your usual cheeky, cocky, boisterous self around him," a theatrical wounded look from Sirius. "Peter however, bless him, actually takes note of his friends and can already tell that something's up. It's fine though we can spout some waffle about me being tetchy 'cos it's almost full moon or something."  
"Or something." His friend agreed thankfully. It was clear from then on that the matter would be dropped directly. Remus would not push any more, as Sirius clearly wasn't ready to converse.

The werewolf stood, placed a record on the grammar phone and riffled through some tat on the surrounding bookcases, eventually producing half a bar of Honeydukes Extra Smooth Chocolate with an extravagant flourish. Sirius chuckled, "I knew you'd have stash of the good stuff somewhere!"

The boys spent the rest of the afternoon in Remus's room, listening to music and chatting about everyday things. They even did some work.


	8. Part eight: pox, pals and queers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An outbreak of dragon pox means that Remus makes a new friend.

Part eight: pox, pals and queers  
Defence against the dark arts and Peter was ill; along with an eighth of the entire school who had fallen victim to the dragon pox outbreak. Most of who were younger or had grown up in a muggle environment as they had never experienced it before and it didn’t really compare to the muggle chicken pox. James declared that Lily must have it too because he hadn’t seen her in days. However Remus suspected that she may have just been avoiding him, and given the choice between James and dragon pox she would choose the illness. But more importantly, because Peter was tucked up in bed Remus had to sit by himself in defence against the dark arts, whilst James and Sirius sat behind him chatting merrily.  
“So what shall we do today?” Asked the professor who had a tendency to disregard the syllabus and chronology of the text book, instead teaching what he felt like that day and ticking the various subjects off a list when he was content with the level of teaching received.   
“Hmm, it’s a full moon in a couple of weeks so how about werewolves eh kids? The monsters that snatch up your children and eat human flesh!” he said brightly. “Not that they’re to be joked about. They are very are very dangerous monsters, who on a full moon cannot control their actions.” Remus smirked and resisted turning around to look at the two purebloods who he could hear chuckling. “Now who can tell me something about werewolves? Ah yes Remus.” He said as soon as Remus raised his hand, expecting some useful input the same as every lesson.   
“Well sir, they’re terrifying beasts!” The werewolf proclaimed dramatically; overacting the part.   
“Well yes Mr Lupin but I was thinking more about physical observations if you don’t mind. Anyone else?”   
“They transform once a month on the full moon.” James said without raising his hand.   
“Injuries inflicted by them can’t be healed magically.” Continued Sirius.   
“Enough wolfsbane or mistletoe will eventually kill them.”   
“Even in human form they have heightened senses.”  
“They’re very intelligent.”   
“And SO cranky if they don't get enough beauty sleep.”   
“Urgh, unbelievably so!”   
“Oh and they like chocolate!” Finished Sirius with a grin. Remus wanted to hit his head against the table.   
“Well Mr Potter, Mr Black, some very valid points there, however some very misguided and bizarre ones which I'm not quite sure where you got them from- unless you're friends with a werewolf!” He cracked up at his own joke and continued to laugh for several awkward minutes before he resumed the class. “Right children; let’s start the lesson- title Lycanthropy.”  
The lesson passed in a blur. All four marauders loved defence against the dark arts, but James and Sirius were especially eager to participate today, and Remus less so. At the end of the lesson the professor gave them each 10 house points, which would usually have been Remus's. Leaving the classroom ahead of his friends Remus allowed himself a small smile before the other boys caught up with him. They looked at him and his stony faced, suddenly worried that they had said too much. But Remus couldn’t keep a straight face and began laughing uncontrollably which started off the other two until all of them were clutching their sides and each other; gasping for breath. They were still chuckling quietly as they entered their potions class.   
“Now now, where is everyone?” asked professor Slughorn looking at the 8 of his usual 20 students.   
“They’ve got dragon pox sir; it’s effected 2nd and 3rd years worst. Madam Pomfrey says they need a week of bed rest and then they should be allowed back to lessons.” Explained Lily Evans.   
“Lily I see you're quite well, that's nice. Oh and so is Snivellus.” Said James, his voice dropping as he glared at the greasy haired boy sitting with Lily, but neither of them rose to the bait. The fact that they had ignored him, irritating him even more.   
Slughorn ignored the exchange between his two favourite students. “Now that won’t do. Well we’d best do something fun that won’t require much catch up from the other students. If you could pair up please- though I appreciate that you'll have to work with someone new as not all your usual partners are here so no complaining please.” Remus looked at Sirius and James expectantly, one of them had to move- it was customary that Remus and Peter both paired up with one of the purebloods as both were hopeless at potions and the two of them working together often resulted in an explosion of some kind. But neither boy moved both looking horrified at the idea that one of them would was expected to work with someone new. Remus sighed exasperatedly. Looking around he saw that Lily had paired with Severus and Jessica Henley with Amber McNaughton which left Julian Tsui. Picking up his satchel Remus moved to sit with him so that there was one pair per bench.  
The boy smiled kindly at him as he sat down and professor Slughorn handed out a set of instructions to everyone before saying. “Begin.”   
“I warn you, before we start that I can burnt cereal, so potions and I don't exactly get along.” Confessed Remus.   
“But you're a genius! You're in my transfiguration and charms classes and it’s obvious you'll get all O’s in your O.W.Ls.”   
Remus blushed at the compliment. “Well charms and transfiguration aren’t potions!”  
Alex Tsui was a third year Ravenclaw. He was half white, half Asian, with piercing green eyes. He was of a height with Remus, but didn’t appear as lanky as he wasn’t so skinny. And in the Ravenclaw style he was a true academic and Remus was worried that he would be angry when he inevitably ruined their potion.  
Remus had just finished crushing some billywig stings as instructed and was starting to add them to the cauldron before Alex realised. “NO!” he exclaimed pulling Remus back from the pot as it started smoking with a lilac fog which would’ve singed off the werewolf’s eyebrows had he not been pulled away.   
“Are you ok?” Julian asked, shaking Remus slightly, who nodded calmly as if this sort of thing happened all the time; which it did really.   
“You're not mad I blew up the potion?” Remus asked and was answered by the Ravenclaw breaking in to laughter.   
“No I thought you were going to die- the potion is of small consequence! And don't worry I think we can salvage it.”   
“Huh.” Remus smiled perplexed at how kind and laid-back the ebony haired boy was. “You can salvage it you mean. I’ll cut and crush things for you but I’m staying on this stool!”  
His partner smirked and nodded. Remus watched him working; his hands cutting various beans into the right size, dextrously skinning a dragonfly and stirring the cauldron. Sometimes Remus was even entrusted to crush things in the mortar with Julian’s supervision.   
At the end of the hour Remus could honestly say that he had enjoyed a potions lesson which seemed to impress Slughorn no end even before he had seen the potion- which was the mint green solution it should have been, even if it was slightly too thick from adding too much billywig. Naturally James and Sirius got an E and Lily and Severus an O as they were both talented at potions, but Remus was happy with his A. Remus waved at Julian as the boys left to go have lunch.  
Walking to the great hall Remus ignored Sirius and James who were trying insistently hard to get his attention. First they tried flattery “Wow well done, now you really are the master if you can conquer potions.” “You were very calm when you nearly blew your face off.” “You’d crushed the billywig really finely.” to whiny, “Reemie!” “Don’t ignore us pwease.” Wolfie we’re sorry.” to abusive, “Don’t be a dick.” “You’re such a prima donna grow up!” “Oh my god you're such a girl.” But still he did not crack, allowing the purebloods to sweat a bit more. Taking a seat at the end of a bench he eventually looked at them. “So much for Gryffindors being loyal.” He said scathingly, which caused Sirius to go wide eyed and James to set his jaw angrily, until they realised that Remus was joking and the tension was dissipated by a bread roll thrown at James's head and Sirius and Remus squabbling over the last slice of cold beef which Remus won.   
Returning to the Gryffindor common room to collect their books the marauders began to grumble when they realised they had another double as well as DADAs earlier, however the blow was softened by the fact it was transfiguration. This was probably their best day of lessons.  
Arriving at the class earlier than was necessary they entered the room and took their seats, all on separate desks. James sat with Peter to help him, Sirius with Sophie Daley in Hufflepuff and Remus with Lily as Severus wasn’t in this class and they were the best two in the class – though Sirius and James were still very good. The other students began to trickle in and lastly professor McGonagall entered and the room fell silent. “Where are Miss Evans and Mr Tsui? I know neither of them have dragon pox.” Asked the transfiguration teacher as she noticed the empty chair next to Remus. As if on cue a nock came at the door and Julian entered.   
“Sorry I’m late professor. Lily and I were in the library and she- well she started vomiting, I had to take her down to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey says it’s just a 24 hour bug and she should be fine.”  
“Very well.” Responded the head of Gryffindor. “Take a seat.” She motioned to all the empty chairs disapprovingly as if they had given the children pox by allowing them to be sat on. “I hope Miss Evans gets better soon, heavens only knows madam Pomfrey has enough to deal with at the moment.”  
Julian looked nervously around the room. Clearly not wanting to sit by himself and he didn’t know James. Spotting Remus he let out a relieved breath and asked permission with his eyes, which the werewolf responded to with an enthusiastic nod. This lesson was Remus's turn to prove his worth and redeem himself from their earlier potions lesson. By the end of the class he had made firm friends with Julian, the two academics just seemed to understand how each other worked and were able to rub along in quiet contentment.   
They sat together for the rest of the week until Peter returned. Except of course in transfiguration as Remus didn’t want to join the list of 3rd year Gryffindor males that Lily Evans hated and he was sure that abandoning her to James potter would land him an express ticket there. Instead Julian had to tolerate the arrogance of the pureblood for the week.   
.................................................................................................................................................................. Eventually students started trickling back into lessons like melting snow and pupils who had not been affected were able to relax a bit whilst the invalids caught up with missed classes. All three boys did even more than usual to help and support Peter. One evening they had finished dinner early and thus managed to conquest the sofas next to the fire- as well as several dirty looks from some older students. They were all doing an essay that Slughorn had set on the method of producing a draught for broom travel sickness, which Sirius, Remus and James had had the practical benefit of having made it. “It should be really quite thin.” Explained Remus, who was fine with the theory of potions.   
“Yes,” smirked Sirius, “too much billywig and it can go thick- but I'm sure Remus could’ve told you that.” The werewolf chucked a cushion at his friend’s stomach.   
“Shut up!” They began laughing, remembering the pale purple smoke. “Humph, and you're so bloody damn perfect!?” He accused.   
“Actually I am!” Sirius responded matter-of-factly.   
“Sometimes I wonder if arrogance is a pureblood trait, and then I ask myself if you or James is worse.”   
James, who was lounging over a whole sofa, feet dangling over the edge, let out a hurt gasp/sob.”Oh Reemie!” He said dramatically, pretending to wipe away a tear which caused Peter to chuckle. But Sirius didn’t miss a beat.   
“Obviously it’s Potter. It’s not arrogance if it’s founded on something and when you're this amazing, well, who wouldn’t?” He motioned to himself with a flourish.  
After they had finished laughing they sat in contented silence working- well James wasn’t but that wasn’t exactly surprising. Letting his mind wander he said randomly.   
“I like Julian, Remus.”   
“Okay... that's nice. I'm sure he likes you too.” He said hiding behind his book to conceal the blatant lie. In fact, Julian thought that James was arrogant and pompous, even when he wasn’t telling the world how amazing he was.   
“Maybe he could join the marauders.”   
All three boys sat up a little straighter, staring at James almost aggressively. “Ok! Bad idea. It was just a thought.”   
“Who is this Julian boy anyway?” Peter asked.   
“Your replacement and Reemie’s new boyfriend; sorry to break it to you.”   
“James!” Scolded Remus. “I wanted to tell him myself, break it off gently ya know? But now you've ruined everything!” He exclaimed dramatically.   
The rat animagus stared wide and watery eyed at Remus. “You mean all this time and there’s been someone else? Is he dreamier than me? More seductive? More alluring?” Peter whined whilst trying to look dreamy, seductive and alluring. All the boys lost it, guffawing uncontrollably until they were crying and many other students were giving them dishevelling looks. Sirius however only chuckled lightly.   
“What’s wrong with sourwolf?” Peter asked. “He’s not the one being cheated on!”   
“He’s just jealous, he always thought it would be him to woo Remus away from you, but he never had a chance against Julian.”   
“I’m not gay.” Sirius stated quietly and coolly, but it was enough to bring the mood of the group down instantly.   
“We know Sirius.” Remus reached up to put a hand on Sirius's knee but he jerked away. “It was a joke. Grow up.” He said quite affronted.   
Peter looked confused at why Sirius would ever say something so obvious and in such a way.   
“We know Sirius. Nor is Remus or Peter. We were just having a laugh.” James tried to amend.   
“Well maybe it’s not funny all the time.” He stated before gathering his books in an untidy pile and going up to the dorm.  
The tension was thick and tangible until Remus heard the ‘click’ of the latch on the door closing.   
“You don't think he’s homophobic do you? I mean I thought we were in an age of hippies and love and acceptance.” Peter mused. “Maybe I should go and blast ‘All you need is love’ under the door.”   
“Maybe not Peter but you do have a point.”   
“It’s ok he’s just been a bit stressed lately. Family tensions ‘cause of Andromeda and Ted. He wants to go to the wedding but isn’t allowed. Plus even if he isn’t discriminatory he might still have some reflexive prejudices, he’s been bought up like that all his life.”   
Remus only partially lied; he’d just omitted the other stuff that had been stressing Sirius out. Remus had tried to forget it but he couldn’t help replaying the day in the hospital wing over again in his head. No, Sirius certainly wasn’t gay.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any spelling, grammatical or formatting mistakes, sometimes my brain works faster than I can type. Please feel free to comment and review, and please favourite and follow. Next chapter we'll be going back to before the marauders have even been sorted. I hope you've enjoyed so far and thanks for reading!


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